Saturday, July 31, 2010

Zone leader in Hamburg Jan 31- May 1977

L. to R. Elder Hymas, Elder Soderburg, Sister Thorpe, Sister? , Elder Farnsworth
Last area District 

My only baptism Sister Reichwaldt
January 31, 1977
This morning my whole life changed. We had expected a transfer for Elder Davis but when I opened the envelope it was for me. I am going Zone Leader here in Hamburg. I really can’t believe it. I talked to Elder Meacham last night and he said “your staying” – he meant I stay in Hamburg, but it was really a surprise. Elder Rogers called me this morning and told me he had heard a rumor but he was wrong or so I told him on the phone. I told him that the President always called his Zone Leaders beforehand and that he hadn’t called me so I wasn’t going. Then after receiving the mail – I learned he was right, Tcha.

I really can’t believe that I’m going to be working with Elder Farnsworth and filling Elder Blade’s shoes. It will be a big responsibility but I feel good about it and know with the Lord’s help, we can do it. It feels good to be trusted by the Lord. President Roylance’s special letter to me was really special. He explained how after watching me in several difficult situations he felt he could trust in me in any situation. That means a lot to me. To be trusted by the Lord and by President means everything to me. I don’t know where the scripture is but I remember one that says it is better to be trusted than to be loved. I think I know what that means even though I feel so much love from the Lord and President Roylance. It’s hard to explain, but I know he loves us all but to be called to this kind of Leadership position is something special.

My thought are scattered and I know I have a lot to do to get myself in order but the Lord has faith in me and I in him. It will be good for me. I’ll have to get my “ducks in a row” now in every way. There will be a lot of “Austausches” and a lot of special experiences ahead of me. I know what the Lord expects of me and I am determined to give him everything I have. I sure love this work and I am very tickled with this new assignment. It’s going to be a beautiful way to end this beautiful experience. I am very humbled and grateful for this opportunity.

Wednesday, February 2, 1977
It’s been a pretty tough week. We had Elder Heintz with us for a couple of days. That was kind of a bite He wanted to get it together with Elder Thornock which we couldn’t let happen so we had to give him to the Zone Leaders. Elder Davis and I didn’t really do too good of a job this week. It was kind of tough. I am pretty slow at getting over work sometimes. I need to be more diligent.

Tonight we had a great discussion with Frau Sorensen. She is so neat. She is really a fine lady and for 73 she is pretty neat. We taught a little bit of an H, I, and G discussion. She really understands what we want from her – what the Lord expects of her – I feel. I know she is a person of high integrity. When she makes her decision I feel she will do great. As we were there we were there for the last time she gave me a little tile from the 1700’s. It had a hand drawn picture of Jesus and John the Baptist. It was really neat and really worth a lot. I gave it to Elder Davis as a parting gift. He was tickled. He is the one that GQ’d her that day on the Ausstelling so I felt it right to give him the tile.

Today was my last day with Elder Davis. We were over 3 months together. Almost my longest companion. It’s been great. I really love and appreciate Elder Davis. We sure had some good times together. It was also probably the toughest time of my Mission at times because of all that happened. He helped pull me through. With Elder Pillmann, 2 sets of Sisters (and the related problems) with my sorrow for Grandpa, and also Elder Johnson. In all these things Elder David Paul Davis from good old Arvada, Colorado was by my side. If I ever write a book on Altona, it will have a big chapter of our time together. He will also make a great Stake Athletic Director!! He sure was a good companion. I love him very much.

February 3, 1977
Today I became a Zone Leader. After working one day I really feel the responsibility of the calling. I looked at all the personals and the reports that we have and I got a little better look of what it really involves. We set up some schedules for Tausches and I can really testify that we have a responsibility. We work with all the District Leaders and any other Elders that we feel we can help or need attention. The President if really positive about tausches and he feels that 3-day tausches can also be used for special cases.

That in itself tells me a lot but my companion Elder Scott Farnsworth is really the best one for me. He is really a good Missionary. He has his problems just like all of us but he really knows and understands his calling. He is very dedicated. He has been a Zone Leader for about 6 months now even though he came a month after I did. It will be great working with him.

I enjoy the new area and all. Tonight we taught a good discussion with a family Rump. We gave a G. They are a little “profy” but we challenged them hard. I need to get used to the new apartment and all but it is coming for me. I like the District and am very excited for the opportunity I have to serve here.

I think of all the experiences I had in Altona and my heart is full. It will probably be the most important part of my Mission. It was in Altona that I got to know President Roylance and learn and feel these wonderful things of the Gospel. As I close another chapter and open the one entitled Rahlstedt – my last chapter – I will ever be minded of that back-room wohnung in Falskveg. It is like a shrine to me. There the tears came – so often. I grew so much and the 9 months I spent at Altona will be a shining light for my life.

February 5, 1977
It seems appropriate that I start off these new experiences with a new color of paper. Today I worked with Elder Hindt back in Altona. He sure is a good Elder. He’s been out 6 months and he is being made D.L. in my place. He has already had 3 baptisms and 2 Goldens. He is going to go a long way in the Mission. I had a pretty good day with him. We taught several good discussions with my old investigators. I hope he can do well and put them in the water. It was a good day.

February 6, 1977
My first Sunday in Rahlstedt Gemeinde. We were fasting today for the people in the USA who were suffering from cold and also that there would be more moisture in the West. It was also a special fast for the people in the Ward although we didn’t know that until the meeting. Frau Reichwaldt was also in Church. She is a neat old lady. I really think she will make it. She really liked it today.

We had a pretty lousy District Meeting – I thought anyway. It lacked a lot of things. Some of the best meeting I ever had were my District Meetings – District Conferences as Sister Amacher calls them – back in Altona. I would like to bring the same Spirit in over here. (I’m writing in the U-Bahn – no wonder it’s so sloppy.)

February 7, 1977
Today was my first big report day. We have a whole bunch of reports to do every week. It was a neat experience getting everything together and all. I can tell I am really going to like this work. I feel the Lord’s strength in my new calling.

February 8, 1977
Today I had the opportunity to work with Sister Thorpe and Brother Sodderberg on an Austausch. As a Zone Leader I feel that one of my biggest responsibilities is to lead by example and that means when we work together I should be able to give them Spiritual experiences. That is really a big responsibility. This morning I prayed hard to have the Spirit that I might be able to show these Missionaries how to tract with the Spirit. It is really hard. Today we had a real good day with several good discussions but we still hadn’t had what I wanted to show them. I wanted to get in a door from tracting and teach a discussion. That was my goal.

We taught Frau Reichwaldt an I discussion on Christ. It was a good discussion but we had a hard time teaching because she can’t hear too well. We talked through J-4 and then I talked about baptism and all. She was touched but still had questions. She’s coming through.

About 8 PM we were still tracting and I knew we needed to get in. A lady answered the door and was really negative. She just about shut the door but finally I got her into a conversation and I talked with her for a moment. Finally I bore testimony and told her she could also know. Her eyes lit up and she said “oh ye, how long will it take?” I looked at my watch and said 10 minutes. She said okay and let us in. I sat down and gave a 10 minute C 1-3. She was touched as we told Joseph Smith and bore testimony. She then really opened up to us. It was a beautiful Spiritual experience for her, for me, and especially for the two I was working with. I thank the Lord that he blesses us so much. This lady, her name was Frau Dalau changed so much in about 30 minutes, I couldn’t believe it. She really needs the Gospel. It was a great day. I love the Lord and I feel good about everything.

February 12, 1977
Several days have gone by since I’ve been able to write in the old Book here. Wednesday we taught Family Rump. It was a good discussion but we realize how set in his ways he really is. I took him through the Fall of Adam and the need of a Savior. He knows a lot about the Gospel. Probably in some areas as much as we – but he hasn’t felt the Spirit telling him that these things are true. He is coming to our Fireside on the 24th so we hope that will help him.

Thursday we tracted 5 hours with no success. It was really tough to keep going at times. The reality of tracting – it is very depressing – sometimes. People slamming doors and so rude they often don’t let you say anything before they slam them. It’s tough, but I love it. At the end of the day when you feel like there is nothing left of yourself because you have left it back on the doors you can kneel down and pray. And oh what great feelings. I know where I receive my strength. It’s a good feeling.

Today I was tausched with Brother Hales down in Harburg. I got to work with him down there in his area. It’s really neat there in Harburg. I think so anyway. It’s not really old but the hills and the rivers and harbor and all; especially the hills made it really neat. Next week I will probably go to Luneburg. That will be neat.

I didn’t feel like I did a very good job with Elder Hales. He said it’s the best day they’ve had for a long time – but we didn’t teach one discussion or get in one door. We had several good talks and made several appointments but it was a tough day. Elder Hales sure needs help and I really couldn’t do much. It was tough. I need more faith, I really do. I need to develop my relationship with the Lord better than I have. I have a lot of growing to do.

February 13, 1977
I remember one time a while back the President drew a thing for Sister Maples. It was talking about relationships: With other people, with ourselves, and with the Lord.

He drew a Diagram something like this.

He said we all need to feel the support of others and feel accepted, valuable, love and needed from others. He also said that all of us need a certain amount coming in.

He then drew another Diagram.

(Insert diagram)  He then explained if we could get this strength that we all need from the Lord then we are able to meet other people and give them the strength and not seek their praise or glory or sonst was. We all struggle with the very real concept.

This is what I taught last week in District meeting last week. I don’t know why but I think I need to think about it a little right now. I’m very tired today. I have a little bit of a cold and I’m just a little down. I need the Lord’s help in all my efforts and I feel that I need to live better in order to receive his help. I need his guidance and help. I’m thinking hard today.

February 14, 1977
Yesterday was a pretty tough day for me for some reason. I really don’t know why but something was wrong. The tears flowed as I prayed last night because of all my weakness and because I haven’t baptized. Elder Ralph in Stade is putting his 3 in 6 weeks in there. He is really a great Elder and we all admire him. He shows us that it can be done. We have a date for Oma Reichwaldt in 2 weeks and we think she will make it. We have faith she will.

Well yesterday was tough but today was great. We did reports in the morning and I rested as much as I could. I’m really sick with a very bad sore throat and cold – but the Lord will bless me. This afternoon was great. We taught Frau Reichwaldt about the Holy Ghost and showed Suche. She is preparing for baptism but she doesn’t know how fast yet. She’ll make it though.

We were tracting afterwards and we went by this by building where we had a disinterested contact. We didn’t know whether to go in or not so we said Lord – if he’s there right now we’ll tract the whole building again. If he’s there then we’ll know you have someone for us. Well he was there and we went to him first but he had no interest – so we hit the doors. About half way down one of the most beautiful girls I have ever seen answered the door. I started talking and after a moment I got her to listen. It was just like talking to Mitzie. I looked her right in the eyes and she wasn’t interested at first but the Spirit touched her. Her eyes were so neat. I really felt the Spirit. We’re going back Wednesday night!! The Lord led us to her. We felt good after finding her. I talked with her for about 20 minutes and we think she will be gust.

We also met another girl and taught Frau Dulau and her daughter (neat, 18 years). For Valentine we really met a lot of neat girls. 2 years ago today I got my call. Wow that’s really hard to believe. Time flies.

February 15, 1977
Today we were up bright and early on our way to Luneburg. That was quite an experience. Luneburg lies about 20-30 miles south of Hamburg. It is a small but very beautiful little town. I was really impressed by the great artwork in the Churches and old buildings. It is really a neat little town.

Today I had the opportunity to work with Elder Tony Behrends from Michigan. His parents come from Armenia (now Russia) and his mother is the tribe of Benjamin. He looks just like a Jew – very dark.

Elder Behrends has a problem. He is very negative on the people, on the members on the situation in general. He is very down on the whole scene. It was really hard to see him and I tried all day to give him a strong spiritual experience. We had a good day but I don’t feel like he really got that great experience I wanted to give him. It was tough. I pray for him and hope he can come along a little better.

I want to write a few of my feelings about the people. I must have talked with 50 people today that couldn’t or wouldn’t believe on God because “if there was a God why does he let so much sorrow and sickness happen here on earth.” You can tell them all you want about agency –that these things are necessary but they can’t believe or won’t try to believe or even understand it. I can see why Elder Behrends feels like he does. It’s hard to keep your faith sometimes. To me I feel just the opposite. I can see how Satan has a hold of these people and how he uses the very limited knowledge of man to support these dumb theories. To me so much sorrow here proves that we must live after this life otherwise we should all go out right now and commit suicide. People tell me they believe in God but that they don’t believe that we will live after death. That’s very weak. It there is a God and he set up this life with so much trouble and sorrow (and I do appreciate at least a little bit after 20 months in Germany what they’ve been through) then he must be a very evil God. If this life is all we have to look forward to then it’s a terrible life “a boesse Spiel.” People don’t understand that. To me, because there is so much evil and unjustice here on earth there must be a life after death otherwise God would be an evil God for creating us and putting us here. The same applies for people who can’t believe in God. There must be a deeper reason for this often very hard game we call life.

In my experience the last few days I have really felt that these people don’t understand but there is something they all understand and that is our testimony. Every time I have a long talk on the doors I bear testimony and watch the reaction. I know these people don’t understand things and believe things the way I do but it bothers me, makes me feel very sorry, when they won’t listen to the Lord telling them that what we are saying is true. We talked to one old lady who had really been through a lot. We bore testimony after talking for 20 minutes there on her door. I had tears in my eyes. I often do for these people. She turned us away and I was crushed. She needed our message so bad and she turned us away. That’s when it is really hard. I really love her and the tears came down for her – but there is nothing more I can do.

I can see why it’s so tough for some Elders. After door after door of these kinds of people it does get hard. I find myself also getting defensive and have to check myself but it’s a good experience to witness these things. People are lost today and Satan reigns. That I know, but he won’t forever and we’ll find the elect in the meantime.

February 16, 1977
Today we really had an experience. I am still shocked about the whole experience. We got a phone call this morning and a man told me he wanted to meet me at 12.00 at our place. He said he had heard our Choir and really wanted to talk to us.

Well he came and we brought him in and started to talk. He was ready to talk. To pour his heart out to us. We prayed and started a discussion. He told us a long story how he had committed adultery with a lady and all this. He said he wanted repentance and forgiveness of his sins. We gave him an F-6 and the C 1-3 then I challenged him to baptism. I felt if he was really that good then he would understand. He accepted. It was really weird. He told us his big sad story and all. It was really weird. Finally he said he wanted to pray. He got down and prayed. I’ve never seen a German pray like that. He told the Lord how sorry he was and then thanked him for us and asked him to open our hearts to GIVE HIM THE MONEY HE NEEDED. When I got off my knees and 1-1/2 hours of talking to him I knew what he wanted. Elder Farnsworth was skeptical more than I was the whole time. Well he wanted 50 marks for motel. I told him we’d go with him to his motel and that we’d pay for a couple of nights till his money came Friday. He told us ________. It was the biggest con I have ever seen. I prayed hard to know what was really going on. We haggled for 30 minutes and he left once and then came back once. I really couldn’t believe it. He got down on his knees and begged. I had prayed and didn’t feel very good. He told us that if we didn’t give him the money he would die that night. Then he told us he thought he had found true servants of the Lord. He then swore to us on the Lords name that we didn’t even know the Lord or the Gospel and other stuff. My heart was really beating. We had witnessed for over an hour a now very apparent and very blasphemous fraud and he was trying to use our own consciousness against us. A lot of things went through my mind. I felt we could give him the money if we could feel that he was honest. So I told him if he was really honest he would accept money on our terms because if he was honestly so down he would gladly accept help anyway he could. We even offered to let him stay with us if he didn’t have a room.

Well it became very apparent what kind of a man this was. He was the scum of the earth trying to pull the wool over our eyes. He wanted money and that was all. Finally he left after damning us and a few other things. He walked by in back where he didn’t know we could see him and he pulled out a cigar and started smoking. I couldn’t believe it. It was the biggest song and classic Tcheater I had ever seen.

Afterwards I really did a lot of thinking about the whole thing. At first I wondered why I hadn’t been closer to the Spirit to see through it all in the first place. But I realize that is wrong. I’m glad I naturally have so much faith in people that I can really believe in them. I feel the Lord used me to teach this man seal up a testimony. Then at the right time the Lord told me I knew what was going on. The Lord blessed me to understand.

Elder Farnsworth on the other hand was more unbelieving the whole time and he would have never have challenged him. It was good to see our different reactions.

Boy I sure learned something about people. We need to be very careful in our transactions with people. This man really had me fooled at first. He was very good. It taught me a lot. I am thankful for this experience this day. What an experience. I sure feel bad for that pitiful old fart.

February 17, 1977
Today I worked with Elder Hymas from Magna, Utah. We worked hard and tracted most of the day. We set several appointments and I felt very good about the day. He is a pretty good guy. I sure can see how much I’ve learned in all of this. He really lacks experience and one could tell. It was great working with him. We sure tausch a lot.

February 18, 1977
Well it looks like our baptism is on for a Saturday. We are trying hard to make our date of the 26. Yesterday we had the neatest discussion with Oma Reichwaldt. She accepted everything. We taught her tithing and the Law of Chastity. She was really dabei (with it). It went great. Elder Hymas was really impressed. Today she was sick a little and it wasn’t so good. The date is set for next Saturday the 26th.

February 19, 1977
Today I was with Elder Timothy Hansen in my gegend (area). He is from Salt Lake and played for Skyline Defense tackle. We had a good day. His District is really struggling right now. They have some problems but it’s just been a long road. Elder Hansen is very good and there’s not much you can really do to help – but show him a good day and have a good ear. We taught 3 discussions and got in twice for discussions today. I had probably the true best week of my Mission this week. 71 hours and 15 discussions.

February 22, 1977
Well it looks tough for the Taufe this week. She just doesn’t understand good enough what she has to do. I really have a lot of faith in her but she isn’t strong enough yet to make it. We told her today that we’d be glad to baptize her but that she would have to make the decision herself. It’s tough and it’s a real checker game – but then the Lord needs it. We have to win – we have to win.

February 24, 1977

President Roylance

The Passing of Elder Goddfrey
It seems unfair – and we ask questions – Why us – why here.
But we don’t ask too long!!
We lean to the council of the Lord – “Be still and know that I am.”
It underscores the nobility of our cause.

Mundane things
Post-paid the Elders.
Update the emergency telephone number system.

I’d like to preach to you for awhile.

“The Savior”
I don’t think that most members understand him enough.
A man came in to his Office wanting money at San Diego.
How do you reconcile the Old Testament with the New Testament?

“The Justice of God” – his wrath, fury, etc.
The Story of the young judge who saved the young guys life. After 20 years he had to judge him to death.
20 years ago I was your Savior – Today I am your judge.
Diane and Bill – She wasn’t really repenting right.
He said what if you don’t repent for everything.

D&C 19: 1-6, 10-12, 15
Just as eternal life means more than a duration of life.
Eternal punishment goes deeper and means more than just eternal punishment.

It has to do with understanding justice and the wrath of God.

No unclean may enter into the presence of God. That means all 3.
            Father and all three – Celestial  Christ – Terrestial         H.G. – Telestial

For some people it is necessary to go through hell before they can repent.

Hell is a place. It exists as a condition as well as a place.

All will suffer until they obey Christ themselves.

There is a need for escape. The Demands of Justice must be satisfied.

The Law makes no provision for repentance – absolutely none.
Repentance comes through Christ.

Traffic Court Case – Speeding Ticket - $75,000
If you can find someone who will/can pay. The Law doesn’t care who pays.
You need to find someone who doesn’t have any debts.

What is the role of Jesus Christ?
Can any man pay the debt of another?   NO
Alma 34:10-12
Not a man – A God.

 Free of any debt himself.
Had to have enough to pay for all. (Tender-) *
He had to be God to stand that test in Gethsemane.

Did you know that Jesus was the Son of God? – He was not a man.
Jesus did not have a mortal Father. He received the power of immortality.

As Adam brought death, somehow Jesus by laying down his life (when he didn’t need to) made it possible for us.
Now I don’t understand all the Laws – I have a glimmering – know it’s true!

He was completely free of sin – because of his birth. He was the son of God.
What happened in Gethsemane?
There he took upon him the sins of the world.

Whom shall I send? – Here am I send me.

I cannot comprehend pain that is mental anguish.
Jesus died of a broken heart. The demands of justice broke his heart.
I caused some of that pain.

Life would cease to exist on this planet if we would be cut off.

This idea of being cut off may be a good way to explain.

Only a God could be left alone and live.

“Father why hast thou forsaken me.”
At the moment Christ took it all – the Lord Elohim withdrew himself.

Orsen Whitney’s dream.
How do I feel about Jesus? Do I love him with my own soul?

That moves me. It is the driving force in my soul. I love the Lord.

Demands of Justice       -           Jesus                -                       Me
                                                He stands between.                  He bought me.
                                                He extends to us                       the opportunity to me.

To come to know Jesus Christ is the key to self mastery. His message is that we can change.

“Do I believe enough to bring this power of the atonement in my life?”
Teach nothing but repentance.
Physician - heal thyself.

To know by firsthand experience is the way to lead other people to the source.
The way to partake of this is through Repentance.

Repentance –
Sins are real. A spade is a spade.

Through repentance we are saved by grace. After all we can do.
I love the Doctrine of Repentance.

It’s this doctrine that makes me worthy of standing here before you.

Forgiveness is as wide as Repentance.
D&C 58:42-43            Repentance is an experience not an intellectual process.

Acknowledge – No excuses, no rationalizations. To be sorry is not enough.
To feel Godley sorrow. To convict yourself.
Confessing –
The business of turning the roots around. It will remove the temptation of committing the sin again.
The lancing of an Abscess. It opens things up – although painful.
Some sins have to be confessed to the Priesthood as well as the Lord.
The Forsaking, the Broken Heart, The Confession.

Sister Roylance
One step at a time. Just for today.

Persistence is important.
That which you persist in doing becomes easier not because that what we do becomes easier but because the ability to do it becomes better.

Elder Howard –
The Robot Missionary
Teaching - The Discussions
Gospel Scholarship
Personal Prep – Where we obtain the Spirit and the teaching.
Working hard
Praying for investigators
Developing faith

Elder Ralph – Find little stories to teach them. Primary stories.
Object of our Teaching – Change, Repentance – Teach nothing but Repentance.
The Tool we need to change these people is Spiritual Experiences.
Teaching Change
John 3:3
“I see”
John 3:5
“I’ll do it.”
At this second level we commit ourselves to the Lord and repent.

President Roylance – Two kinds of Missionaries
The kind that go through the motions. Do a good job.
The kind that can learn the material and teach with the Spirit.
It’s these Missionaries that the Lord trusts and Big Fish.

Elder Harrison
With Investigator Problems – everything boils down to a
Faith problem (or)
Repentance problem

Checklist – so to say
 (Insert graph)
D&C 88:62
26 times in D&C
11 times in New Testament
Knock – till their knuckles are bloody.
3 Nephi 27:13 – The Power Principles
            13.       Jesus Christ is the Power. Principle in the Church.
15.       Judged – 16  Faith – repenteth – baptism –
20.       Endure
            14.       - Why – and how
            21.       This is my Gospel
The Power Principles!

President Roylance –
What makes a Missionary?

Let’s lift the window still a little.

Can I ask a personal question?
Have you ever confessed your sins to the Lord? Have you received his forgiveness?

Alma 5:14-16, -19 -21
It comes when a person receives a forgiveness of his sins. In fact they come hand in hand.
You will be born again when you receive a forgiveness of your sins.

Goals Every Missionary go home a reborn member, clean and ready for life.

If there is a great need in the Church it is for us to come to Christ.

There is a point in a person’s life when the name of Jesus Christ becomes something sacred. He loves to preach, do ordinances, etc. in his names. Even on our lips.

Enos. – A man must be born again.
“Lord how is it done.” – Because of my faith in Christ.
Mosiah 4: - Nation born again.

When a person is born again he is cleansed of his sins
Converted – means to be converted to Christ.

Conversion means to be born again.

Sometimes it comes in steps sometimes as a big experience.
Sunrise - gradual increase of more and more light.
                         - suddenly a burst of light. – Noon day – no shadows.

Born again – Converted – Forgiveness                          All three go together.

Brother Romney – You can know when the ______ is healed. Sweet peace of conscience. We will know.

Is having a testimony the same as being converted?
No – Peter is a good example.

Some people in high places might have incomplete conversions.
Membership in the Church and being converted are not necessarily synonymous.

Conversion is affected  by Divine Forgiveness. Which remits sin.

Alma 36:11-24 (18) If everyone could say these words
The world and the CHURCH are under a bondage of Sin.

I have sense a need to preach repentance.

There are a number of ways to motivate excellency.
After that have felt this fire we don’t need to push.

Joseph Smith – I teach them correct principles – they govern themselves.
This is what he meant.

Elijah – The Lord not in earthquake, wind, and fire.
But still small Voice. His own way and own time.

The Lord reveals himself in his own way at his own time. He gives us his peace.
Many of us know that peace. But it’s hard to hold. Hard as a Moonbeam.

President Roylance bore his testimony and told his story.

President Roylance told how he was reborn again before coming on his Mission. He was cleansed of sin and was reborn there on the mountain. He realized so much and he promised the Lord he would give his whole life to him if he could know Jesus better and capture and retain the feelings he had there on the mountain. When he came off the mountain that day he had a message to tell and a covenant with the Lord to do it.

I sure lack in Spirituality. When do I stand with the Lord?
I have a need for repentance. I want to get to know my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.

My feelings on this Conference are very hard to put on paper. I need these principles so bad. I’m an unrepentant sinner and it hurts. It hurts very bad. I pray to God he will help me take the steps necessary to put my life back in order.

President Roylance started by talking about the Savior. He said most people in the Church don’t understand what the Justice of God means. What is his punishment?

The Law of Justice and the grace of Mercy are very beautifully balanced inside the breast of the Savior.

What happens when we don’t repent for everything? We must pay the debt. We must suffer for our sins! No unclean thing can enter into the Kingdom of God. That means Celestial, Terrestial or Telestial. There is a hell. It is a place as well as a condition. In this hell all the unrepentant people must to – and must suffer until they are ready to obey Christ. (D&C 19:20). The Law must be satisfied and although Christ stands between us and the Law, the Law must be satisfied! We must repent or we go to hell. To suffer and pay for our sins and suffer until we are ready to obey Christ.

Just as eternal life means more than a duration of life,
Eternal punishment goes deeper and means more than a duration of punishment.

For eternal punishment is God’s punishment and how bad it is and how hard to stand we know not. D&C 17:15.

There is a need for escape. What role does Christ play for us?

The Law makes no provision for repentance – absolutely none.
There is a need for escape. Justice must be satisfied.

Traffic Court Case – Speeding Ticket - $75,000
The Law doesn’t care who pays. If you can find someone who can and will pay.
He must not have any debts of his own.

Can any man pay the debts of another – No.
Alma 34: 10-12 – Not a man God.

Because he was the son of God he had the power to lay down his life and take it up again. He gave his life (no one took it) and also took upon him the sins of the world. He was free of sin – because of his birth.

Now Christ knows what his calling was in Pre-existence. He knew he would take upon him the sins of the world. “Whom shall I send – here I am send me.”

Christ carried the sins of the world in a way that you and I can’t understand.

Physical pain can’t compare with Mental or Spiritual pain.

Jesus took on him the effects of Spiritual and Mental anguish – pain for our sins. The demands of Justice for our sins.

I caused some of that pain. Can I comprehend the hell that Christ went through in the garden in our behalf – for me?

Christ paid for my sins. He now owns me! He owns me. I am his property.

How do I feel about my Savior?

Orson Whitney’s dream of Christ in the Garden.
Do I love him with my whole soul?

President Roylance – Now that moves me. It is the driving force in my Life.
I love the Lord.

Jesus Christ stands between me and the demands of the Law of Justice.
He owns me.

To come to know Jesus Christ is the key to self mastery.
His message is that we can change. He extends the opportunity to me.

“Do I believe enough to bring the power of the Atonement of Christ in my life?”

Physician – heal thyself.

The way to partake of this is through Repentance.

Repentance –
Sins are real. A spade is a spade.

We must be concerned about our soul. That gives us the drive.

We are saved after we have done all that we can. Through Christ’s grace, or in other words we are saved after we’ve repented. A person who doesn’t know this grace has never found himself.
I love the Doctrine of Repentance.

Forgiveness is as wide as Repentance. D&C 58:43 – A person who repenteth will confess and forsake his sins.

Repentance is an experience not an intellectual process.
D&C 58:43
We must acknowledge our sins. No excuses, no rationalizations. To be sorry is not good enough. We must feel divine sorrow. We must convert ourselves. To be truly repenteth means to have a broken heart, a contrite spirit – to feel divine sorrow.

We must then confess our sins. We need to expose the roots of our sins to the light of Christ. Some sins need to be taken to the Priesthood as well as the Lord.

Confession is like the lancing of an Abscess. It is painful – but it opens things.
The forsaking – the broken heart – the confession.

What makes a Missionary?

A Missionary is a person that has felt this rebirth and shares it with others. Have I ever confessed my sins to the Lord? Have I received his forgiveness?
God: Every Missionary to go home a reborn member, clean and ready for life.

To be born again means to be born of Christ. To be converted means to be connected to Christ. It comes hand in hand with our forgiveness.

As I ponder this I know I have such a long way to go. I have 2 short months left. I have a lot of repentance to do and I need to really get myself straight with the Lord.

I want more than anything else in the world to be born again and to get to know my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.

February 25, 1977
Today I had one of the most beautiful experiences of my life even though I am racked with the knowledge of my sins after a Zone Conference as we had yesterday. My heart aches as I make steps and humble myself to receive the full forgiveness of the Lord. I need it. A Spiritual rebirth.

Today after she missed the Fireside last night we went to visit Frau Reichwaldt. She had told us not to come. She said something about she had made her decision and was very glad about it on the phone to Elder Farnsworth. Well about 7:00 we were right there and decided to go visit anyway. She let us in and we sat down. She said she had really thought it over and decided to stay Evangalish and that she was happy. I couldn’t believe it. Our Golden Oma. Elder Farnsworth started talking and then I talked then he then I. We tried to find out why and we tried to find out her true feelings and what the real problem was. Well finally it hit me that other than her Family being against it she had not been very true to the Lord. She had made the decision on her own and hadn’t really asked him. Well that was it. She knew it too. I told her she still wasn’t any better off because she still needed to stay true to him. If she stayed in the Protestant Church and hadn’t really asked the Lord then it didn’t matter which Church she joined – she would still be untrue to him. She had to do like so many (all) people – just plain ask the Lord. As I talked the Spirit really bore witness to me and to her that these things were true. Tears came as I bore witness to me and to her that these things were true. Tears came as I bore my testimony. I’ve never had them like that before in my entire Mission. This Zone Conference helped me so much. I love my Lord Jesus Christ and a same came across my lips I felt a sweetness that I’ve never known before. Tears came freely and Sister Reichwaldt felt it. We witnessed a miracle. She said she’d pray and consider again when we left. The Lord was with us tonight. I have faith she will make it. What a beautiful experience.

February 26, 1977
Today was 22 months for me. I can’t believe that so much time has passed. It’s been sweet. Well today I was tausched with Elder Fleming over in Steilshop. He was Elder Reichman’s golden. He’s 24 from California – a Stanford graduate. A good elder. He has a lot of faith. We worked hard all day and were able to teach 4 discussions. Elder Fleming is a neat guy; he has a stuttering problem. It was an experience to watch him teach and go on in spite of his problem. I was quite touched today. This morning we taught a girl who had multiple sclerosis. As I watched Elder Fleming teach her just the neat feeling that was there filled my heart. It was a neat day. We were also able to teach Frau Morderan.

February 27, 1977
Today was Sunday. Frau Reichwaldt came. It went really well with her yesterday when Elder Farnsworth and Elder Holland visited her. She will make it. I’m sure tickled. I praise the Lord for his help and support.

I really love Sundays. Here is Rahlstedt the ward is neat and a good spirit exists there. Sister Thorpe was down this week. I tried to talk with her and only made it worse. She cried and I felt bad. Afterwards I was able to have a talk with her but not over anything about her just about things. It was neat but we both feel that there is something deeper that is getting to her. We really had a good talk and I feel maybe I can be an instrument in the hands of the Lord to help her someway. Sister Thorpe is a very neat person. I really think a lot of both of our Sisters. Sister McCurdy is really a spiritual person. I also love Elder Soderby. I really do. He is so humble and so special. I just love him. So pure. I wish I could help Sister Thorpe a little better. My heart yearned to take her off in a corner and just have a big long talk – which of course I can’t do. She’s a neat person though and I look forward to getting to know her better.

March 1, 1977
It’s really a great experience to grow. Today after making a special appointment and trip to the office I had a talk with President Roylance. I confessed my sins and troubles to him. (Nothing major but things that were on my mind.) It was very hard to do but we had a good talk and I am now on the road to being perfectly clean in the eyes of the Lord. It is so important to get ourselves worthy and stay worthy, just as my Patriarchal blessing says. Here in the Mission field one has to work so close with the Spirit that without the process of repentance the Lord couldn’t use any one of us.

This last Zone Conference helped me so much. As I’ve tried to grasp the atonement in my life I realize that it takes faith and the Spirit. After this repentance process that I’ve done these past few days and what I must continue to do I realize so much more what it’s all about. My heart rejoices. I feel in my heart the personal need for a Savior and also the personal love he gives me. I can feel what he has done for me and I have grown closer to him through these last few days.

The motivating power in my life is the personal love I have for the Lord Jesus Christ and the personal relationship we have. I feel this although it is very weak. If I love the Lord enough for what he has done and continues to do for me then my source of strength shall never diminish. Just as President Roylance once said – If the whole world was against him and everything else passed away it wouldn’t matter. He would still have his personal relationship with the Lord.

My goal in the last 2 months is to witness a Spiritual rebirth and to be able to give myself to the Lord. He owns me and I want to make a goal of total dedication to him before I leave. He can have anything he wants of me.

March 2, 1977
Its 9:21 P.M. I’m aboard a train headed for a little German town called Stade. We just passed over the Elbe River and have made our first stop. I’m going to work for a day with Elder Casey and Elder Ralph his companion will be coming here to work with Elder Farnsworth. Elder Ralph is really something. He’s been in Stade about 6-8 weeks and he’s already had 3 baptisms. That’s why we are working with him. We want to see what he’s doing. We want to learn from him and pass it on. It should be a great experience. Another day on the bikes auf dem Lande! – it will be great.

Today was a neat day. The first thing this morning we met Elders Holland and Fleming so we could interview Sister Reichwaldt. The interview went pretty good. She is growing stronger every day. I was pretty nervous about this interview because we didn’t really know how much her testimony has grown. She is fine with us but it needs to be fine all the time. Well Elder Holland interviewed her while I waited in the kitchen. I went in and kneeled and prayed hard that it would go well. Well it did. She converted. It looks good for Saturday.

Later in the day we were working in the Gegend and had to use the bathroom so we stopped in to see her. She and I exchanged a few words while Elder Farnsworth was gone. She asked us about the work and all. She said one really needed patience, then added “look how hard it was with me. I was a tough one.” I pray for the Lord’s protection to be with her until Saturday when she receives the Holy Ghost but I also have faith. This has been such a neat experience. I’ve finally seen the whole process. I was really worried there for a while that I might go my whole Mission and not really see it. I’ll write more on this after Saturday because I know how these things can be. You never count
your chickens before their hatched in this business. I’ve learned so much about life. I’ve learned so much about the ways of the Lord. That’s what’s neat to me. I really am blessed. These experiences will go with me my entire life. It is truly a foundation for me.

We just left Hamburg and are now proceeding on a very bumpy stretch is seems going towards Stade on the south side of the Elbe. Probably just directly across from my old stomping grounds in Blankenese. We just pulled into a stop – Hansbruch – so that’s where I am now.

I wonder how it is that I find myself alone on this train tonight, traveling in a foreign country (which in reality has been my home for the past 20 months) towards a little town to preach the Gospel. I wonder how being all alone in this seat looking out the window into the night not really knowing what tomorrow will bring I can be so happy. I’m very very happy even though we had many doors slammed in our faces today. That’s the special part about being a Missionary I guess. I have developed a very high degree of faith in the Lord and I feel his sweet Spirit leading me, guiding me, and giving me the strength and confidence I need to do what we do daily.

We just pulled in and out of Neu Wiltelssteg.

As I ponder life and the real meaning of my existence here upon this earth and in general my heart swells. It swells because I know why I am here and what my calling is. I know through the grace of God in these the Latter-days what will happen after this life and how I can prepare for it. These things mean an awful lot and most people don’t even realize it. A guy just got up to get off in the town we just stopped at – Buxtehude – and he doesn’t even know why he’s here on this earth – let alone what happens after death. He was reading one the typical dirt cheap German Newspapers that float around here like the Bild. It hurts me to see such natural men and realize the consequences they will have to pay.

We just stopped again – a little town called Neukloster in kreis Stade.

My thoughts turn to the Savior as I ponder these deep principles of the Gospel. I was talking to President Roylance yesterday about the Atonement and the reach of the Lord’s grace. I told him I had pretty well understood on paper the atonement and what Christ did for the world, for me; but I never really had the feelings in my heart for the Savior as I do now. I have felt it with my mind and with my heart now through the Spirit in other words. It’s so neat. I love my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. It is growing in me to be the motivating power in my life. I cherish these feelings. They’ve been a long time coming and I want to cultivate them and grow more along these areas. My spiritual rebirth. I am so grateful, I swell.

We just left another stop. – Horneburg. – Oops we’re stopping again. – Dollern.

Well it won’t be long now till I reach Stade. Elder Casey will be there waiting for me and after a pedal home, dichmelk, and a prayer I’ll be asleep. Its been a good day. Its been a good train ride and I’ve enjoyed this time to think and write a little. I sure feel good. I’m truly blessed of the Lord.

Well the train’s slowing down – yep here it is – Stade. Stade, Germany.

March 3, 1977
The time is 8:27 P.M. I find myself again on the train as I return from my taush in Stade. It was a good day. A very good day. We worked very hard and were able to set up some good appointments. I am riding a Eilzug tonight. That means a fast train that tracks faster and also doesn’t stop at every stop. I won’t have as much time to write tonight as I did last night.

I hope everything is fine back in Hamburg. I hope and pray that the baptism with Sister Reichwaldt is still on and that everything is going well. I wonder how the Sisters are doing, especially Sister Thorpe. She sure is a neat person. That’s what I noticed about Elder Casey today. An interesting person.

As I think about it – that’s what life is all about – people. I remember working with Elder Casey back in Altona. He had a real hard time. Wow this is a bumpy train ride. He’s really driving this baby. Anyway as I was thinking about the progress Elder Casey had made I realized that he has really seen some success in the past few months and it has helped him an awful lot; but he’s still Casey. Very shy and very uneasy around strange people. I admire him really I do because I know it’s hard. For me I can really feel at home easily with people, and I am very blessed. For others it’s very hard and they do a lot more than I do just to be here. It’s the same with Sister Thorpe. I think the world of her, and she is often down on herself and feels funny around strange people. But I love all those that fight so hard and I know the Lord blesses us all.

There is another kind of people and that’s like this Frau we met today. 5 children – no father and just going through hell. She needed the help of the Lord so bad. It was really a tough experience. She felt our Spirit though and I feel she might make it. Well enough on people. People are so neat. I’ll have to write more feelings later. Now I’m tired and this train is just too bumpy. I’ll have to quit for tonight.

March 5, 1977
Today I finally became a Missionary! The calling of a Missionary is to teach and to baptize. Well today I finally baptized. After 22 long months of service I finally put one in the water. The Lord has blessed me so much. I praise him; and thank him.

Maria Reichwaldt, age 77, was baptized today at 1:00 P.M. by Elder Jeff Rogers and confirmed by Jurgen Schulz. This has been a neat experience. I didn’t dare write in my Diary last night because of the events of the day. Yesterday we were sitting here eating lunch and Elder Holland called. He said that Sister Reichwaldt had called the Church up and that the Taufe was off because of health reasons – she had been to the Doctor. He didn’t know we didn’t know. Well needless to say we were upset. We went right to her. She was just looking for an excuse. She was scared. She has been worked on and tempted so much I can hardly believe it. I’d like to have seen her 40 years ago if the adversary thinks he has to work this hard on an Oma. She must really be from the blood of Israel. We talked with her and finally the Spirit came over her and she was able to rely on the strength of the Lord and make the decision. I was pretty nervous when we picked her up this morning but 3 times she shied away and 3 times the Lord blessed us unto the convinving of man. I knew she had to be ready. She was. It went beautifully.

For me it was a neat feeling to climb down into that font and baptize her. It was really a battle to get her there but the fruit of our labor was sweet. Afterwards she felt so neat – so happy. She told us how neat she felt and I knew the Holy Ghost had come over her. The Church added another member today. I want to do this many more times before I go home. I love this work.

March 8, 1977
Presiding:          President Roylance
Conducting:      Elder Howard

Elder Harrison:
Apartment procedures
1 month Kundigen Frist. Must be cleared through the office. No Contracts – better to be “untermieter”. No security deposits. Or other. Check item #6 in Policies and Procedures.
Zone Conference Formats.
Singing before. No lockouts. No Theater.
Same general idea.
Group Meetings
Should be organized by branches themselves.
Tactfully explain what is proper.
Proper dress
Proper talk
Proper songs
Simple Testimony on end
Totally Member Sponsored – Make sure it’s full.
Proper Speaker.
*Planned through DL’s and Ward Mission Leader. Tactful.
The idea is for the Branches to come to the office and ask for the meeting.

Elder Howard:
Vehicle Procedures
Zone Leader Travel
Member Missionary Work

- The Future of Missionary Work.
C.        Member Missionary Work
            1.         Start at Rock Bottom. Building communication lines.
                        a.         Get to know the Branch and Stake Leaders.
                        b.         We have got to have Member-Missionary discussions.
                        c.         We’ve got to initiate a change. How?
                        d.         Complaints – from Members
                                    1)         Baptismal procedures. Satisfy them.
                                    2)         Faulty communication with D.L. and DML.
e.         We need to make them understand that we are both working together to get the work of the Lord done. That’s our dedication.
f.          They’ll give us their friends if they feel we are dedicated.

Other Points
Are you working with Stake Missionaries every week?
We need to show them that they are the same as us.
Are we meeting each week with our Missionary Leaders – Branch – Stake?
Not responding to Member Referrals. – Most important. –
Write back with appreciation.
When we tausch – ask about Member Missionary Work.
Work at Member Work. At Church. We’ve got to convert them.
Are you using your new converts?
Are you working with your new returned Missionaries?

2 out of 3 Months – Zone Scheduling Meeting.

This is the ground floor. Communication.

President Roylance
When problems arise we need to go back to fundamentals.

The Handbook – The Rules
Some Elders are the Law unto themselves.
Be polished as Zone Leaders
Rising time
Music – Saturday Warrior
Movies – Out
Member appointments – Dinner otherwise – 1 hour
Apartment – cleanliness. Inspections?
We want to avoid parties.

The Image of a Zone Leader
We represent the President and the Lord. The Mission and the Rules. The whole book.
Mosiah 18 – Witness – Representatives at all times and all places.
We have to maintain that image. We just don’t get down.
Enthusiasm –
Be careful about what we say about other Elders. They need to trust us.
Part of our job is to be seen. To bring honor to the Lord.
We must guard our weaknesses.
We have to Lead – hours – baptisms. Trust DL’s.
Paul Bergeson – Kneeled with President Roylance on the back lawn of the Altona Ward on the 15th to baptize in that month. They did. 3.

Primary obligation – Lead
Second – to inspire through Tausches
+ the 1000 little things – Letters, notes, sincere praise
It’s expected that we must be entirely Loyal.
Be careful about anything we say or do that could be construed as disloyalty.
Great Principle of Being Exposed – Loyalty.
A fraction of our day could ruin our entire effectiveness. ( ie a negative statement.)

Responsible Agent                                           

The mark of a good Leader is the man that can handle his own problems – and no one knows about them. – President Tanner

Have a program when you have a problem.

We are in very coveted positions. We’ve got to show our love.
We’ve got to be right on the people level. No Glory – just service.
You’re a good Leader if you can make two blades of grass grow where one grew before. That’s magnifying our calling.

The President has put his entire trust in us.

March 9, 1977
Just yesterday we had a great meeting with President Roylance on Leadership and our calling as leaders. Today on my very next chance I blew it. We were tausched today with the Sisters. I worked with Elder Soderbey and Sister McCurdy. It was okay but I really blew it. I opened my big mouth and made a negative comment about their Gegend. Well it never mattered much before but now I am a Zone Leader and I have to be so careful as to what I say. I hope I didn’t hurt any feelings but I know that it sure didn’t help much. I am really dumb. It was a bad mistake. I made others yesterday too. Lots of them. I really feel bad. It’s so hard being in my position. I’m supposed to be a personification of all the rules and Mission procedures. I represent the Mission President, but I’m still me and I don’t set a very good example sometimes. I’m pretty down tonight. I sure learned a lot today – but I always learn the hard way it seems.

March 10, 1977
Well yesterday I was really down. Today my companion is on. He takes things so personal as we work together. He feels that it is his fault when the people slam doors or something. He put on his sweat clothes and went down in the Keller to be alone for a while. He’s such a great Elder and so humble. I feel the confidence of the Lord and sometimes I have more faith than him (in his eyes) but my problem is I let it go to my head. I need to really work on myself. Last night I went into the bathroom to pray and get closer to the Lord.

My companion is really down. He really has a confidence problem sometimes. His humility is praiseworthy but sometimes I wish I could help him get more confidence in himself. It’s a hard thing on me when he’s down, but he’s a great Elder. I really love him.

March 11, 1977
This morning we had a great discussion with Frau Bulow. She is apparently an older investigator from the Elders. A great lady. I believe our next baptism. She has a little bit of a Faith problem is all. She’s great. It was a neat discussion. Mal schen.

Then after a long preparation day we went to the Ballet. Sister Thorpe was in ballet until right before she came. It was exciting to see her get excited. She was really tickled. It was a joy for us.

During one of the pauses I had the opportunity to talk to her a little. She is not discouraged any more. It was bad a week or two ago and I wanted so bad to talk to her, but Mission situations just don’t permit it. I was glad she could open up to me a little today. It was a great evening. The Ballet was good. It was a great Culture evening – even though our hours were hurt a little.

March 12, 1977
Today I had the opportunity to go back to Altona and work with Elder Kauwe- Elder Kindts golden. We had a great day. We were able to teach 4 discussions and have several good talks on the doors. I really enjoyed the day. We went and saw Behns. They were so tickled to see me. It was neat – but they are still having problems. We made an appointment with them and finally left. We had a good talk and I really got to know Elder Kauwe a little better. He’s a good Elder. His thoughts are a little scrambled – just like mine were as a golden. He’s been here one month.

I really feel my calling as a Zone Leader. I remember my impressions of Elder Hill in Berlin and I know that Elder Kauwe felt the same about me today. I really feel the responsibility but today it went a lot better. I felt the confidence of the Lord. I am so blessed.

March 13, 1977
Today was Sunday – fast Sunday and a very beautiful one for me. I was really touched. We had some special experiences today. I bore my testimony in Church. I told about an American we met yesterday in Blankenese. We walked around with him and talked about the church. He had a lot to say but not anything really. I talked to him about what was really important – the forgiveness of sins and our own salvation. He was touched and so were the members as I bore my testimony. It was a special feeling.

That was neat and the whole day went that way. We had a good talk with Brother Garbrecht. He is such a special guy. I love him so much. We had a short little meeting about the Missionary work and he had tears in his eyes most of the time. His heart was soft – partly because of what the Stake Patriarch had just barely told him or rather complimented him on about his son and partly because of the Spirit of our meeting. It was special. I think the world of him and his family. He is so excited about the Missionary work. It’s just a pleasure to work with him.

Today was also special because of District Meeting. Elder Farnsworth was actually on for the Predigt but he wasn’t quite ready so I gave one. One I’d already used in Altona. It went well. It was a neat experience again – for me and the District. I sure love to teach the Gospel.

Tonight we tracted a little. We got in one door and taught a discussion to a neat but very closed family. It was a testimony to me to see how Satan hardens people’s hearts. This guy tonight was blind. He talked in circles and couldn’t understand that he had to pray. I feel bad – so bad – for them. It really hurts.

March 15, 1977
For the last 2 days I have really been tempted. Boy Monday night having done the weekly reports all morning I was fired up and ready to go to work and man it was tough. My mind was being stuffed left and right with things. I don’t feel very good about the work we did yesterday – not because we couldn’t work but because we couldn’t get in anywhere. I just wasn’t in tune with the Spirit.

Today I rode to Luneburg and back on the train to give a baptismal interview. That was a neat experience. I interviewed a Herr Deimling who will be baptized this Saturday here in the Wartenur. It was a good experience to interview him. I asked him all the questions and he had been taught all the answers. I asked him if he really deeply believed that what he was telling me. He said yes and I felt his sincerity. He really wants to be baptized. He has no problems with the commandments and is worthy right now to be baptized. Then I hit him. I told him about the battle, right before or after baptism the adversary is going to strike. I told him how tough it was going to be and that the time would come that he wouldn’t have it so easy. I felt the Spirit as I laid the law down hard and had him commit to me and the Lord that he would do these things. I feel I did my job. My garments are clean. I feel he’ll be a good member though. He’s a little on the “stolz” side and I know he has a lot to learn but with the power of the holy ghost he’ll do fine.

I was gone from 1-6:30. I had a good talk with the brethren. Tonight back in the Gegend I was able to teach 2 good discussions. I sure was tired – physical and spiritually exhausted!

March 16, 1977
Today was a great day. We worked hard all day I and really felt the Spirit in my tracting. We tracted most of the day. We set several good appointments and we even able to teach one real neat lady on the doors. We were working right here in Berne (our new Gegend) and a younger lady came to the door. At first she said absolutely no interest but after talking a few minutes she was touched and let us in. My companion started a C discussion but it was going over her head. She didn’t believe in God. It was hard for her to see a prophet if there was no God. Well he gave a C 1-2 for a good foundation and then handed the book to me. Well I had been thinking what I should say and I started out with a little story. I told her about Herr Wawretsko in Blankenese. I told her the experience I had with him talking about that blick from Truman Madsen. In essence that there are not 3 kinds of people. Those that believe, those that don’t, and those that just don’t know.

(Insert diagram)

In talking to Hen Wawretsko he was just like most people. Some people believe others don’t – but no one can prove anything. I know that God lives. Trouble is he doesn’t know that God doesn’t live. There’s no way. So he is actually in between but just says he doesn’t know because it’s easier. Well he admitted this and I asked him if he wanted to know more. As I asked that question Frau Salamo said yes yes I do. It was funny. She had been touched and knew where she stood also. The Spirit bore witness to her. She said – “I will have to change my whole lifestyle.” We told her to find out first but she was troubled. We’re going back – it was neat. A very spiritual witness came over her from my testimony. I was humbled.

March 17, 1977
Today was a very special experience for me. The whole day. Today we interviewed the Missionaries in the Zone. President Roylance makes his interviews in between Zone Conferences and the Assistants and the Zone Leaders team up and interview in connection with them. It was a great experience for me – all day. I worked with Elder Howard – boy has he got it. I learned so much from him. He has really got the experience and confidence of the Lord and a knowledge that just doesn’t quit. He is really great.

We had some great interviews although I felt pressure because of the time schedule. We were always behind and we had to get a couple of meetings in zwischen durch – but it went okay. We had our District Leaders Council Meeting at 14:00 at about 14:30 – we caused pressure – but we had a great meeting. My companion talked on the image of a leader and I gave a talk on the Member-Missionary work. I painted them a picture of how it could be here in Hamburg and I believe most of them got the message. It was a great experience in motivational leadership. Last time in that meeting I was sitting in the audience. This time I was leading it. It was quite an experience.

Afterwards we had a good talk with Brother Diemer the Stake Mission President. He’s a good guy. I really learned a lot. I learned that I’ve really got to work hard on my attitude. I get too much like my companion. This is tough to say but I bend over too far and at times when I shouldn’t but my companion is hard rock straight. It’s kind of a hard-nosed this is the Lord’s way or else attitude. He’s right representing the Lord but there’s not much long-suffering. I’ve got to work on my attitude to be positive and submissive enough to work with these Germans but at the same time get the job done. It’s a hard handle to find but I try to follow President Roylance. It was a good meeting and all but they’re not moving fast enough for me and I can see how my time is going to be gone before I ever see much accomplished. I hope and pray I can at least set the wheels in motion and get some excitement generated in the Districts. It’s a big challenge and I pray for the Lord’s help to reach it.

In one of my interviews today we really had a good discussion. Elder Stephens one of my very dear friends came in and said “As leaders we’re all called to serve. You’re my leaders now I want some service.” He then asked some very deep questions. We had a good talk. Here are a few.

How do I learn to love someone I don’t even like?
There are different degrees to love. Even Christ had John the Beloved. Some people grate on us – how do we generate love for them life Christ. Its deep but basically we decided that love is a gift emanating from Christ’s bosom. As we get closer by righteous living and desire to him we put ourselves in a better position to receive this gift. It’s the same with faith.

How do I generate or better said help someone develop faith?
The answer is we can’t unless they want it. Faith is also a gift from Christ which comes as a reward of desire and following the commandments. We can only help them plant the seed – they still have to do the work.

This goes a lot deeper it’s a good one to ponder.

What is my true identity? I was a somebody in the preexistence. Who?

March 18, 1977
Today I had a great – just a fantastic day with Elder Soderberg up in Olnensburg. We set a goal on the bahn going up for 5 discussions 3 from tracting and _ZK’s. Well we only got 4 discussions but that was our Lion share and I sure feel good about it. We had some great talks and Elder Soderberg realized how the Lord can bless us to really cover a lot of ground and teach a lot of people. We taught 3 discussions to people whom we have never taught before. 2 from tracting and 1 a ZK. We also found an Oma who was baptized twenty or 30 years ago before the war in Koeln but hasn’t been true to it. It was just a great day.

March 19, 1977
Today was a pretty easy day. It seems like you work so hard on Austaushces that when you get back together with your companion you just can’t get it together to really push as you should. We ate at Sister Weimans which always takes a chunk out of the day, and then we did Zuruck
Komnens in our old gegend . I don’t feel very good about our week this week. Too much time not used properly.

Tonight we had the baptism for Herr Drimby from Luneburg. I was in charge or had the lead of it. (I conducted.) It was a funny experience. The Missionaries had caught him smoking after I talked with him on Tuesday. I hauled him in and sat him down before the meeting and had a good talk. I laid it on the line to him again and he felt bad about it. We talked it all over and I okayed him for baptism but I made a few things clear and he better realize the word of the Lord. The baptism went pretty good though.

Afterwards we got together for a minute as a District and made some plans for a few things. I sure love all the District members.

March 20, 1977
Today is a very beautiful day. I wore my new blue suit for the first time. I gave a talk in church today and Frau Arndt our next investigator was there. It was really special. I reached a new goal today. To talk on a subject with just a few scriptures and stories in mind and not a written out form. It went pretty well although it could have been better.

Today in District meeting Elder Hymas read a story about war and Mormons and all. It really upset me and I opened my big mouth and said a few things I shouldn’t have. It was not bad but not good. I just said that the story was slanted and that I didn’t believe it and all. It was my dense head and my comments didn’t go over too well. I’ve sure got a lot to learn – I have a big mouth sometimes.

A special part of today was when Sister Thorpe came up to me and poured her heart out (cried on my shoulder idea) to me. Boy I wanted to hold her and comfort her. Not necessarily because of great feelings of love but as a friend. We did have a big long talk. I couldn’t help her much but we talked it all out. I listened and she needed to talk to someone. She is having companion problems in the sense that she can’t help Sister McCurdy come along a little better and she thinks it’s her fault. It’s a hard situation but we were able to have a good talk out it. I sure appreciate the opportunity I have to be a leader and in some small way maybe a Spiritual support to my District. It was a special experience for me. I sometimes fail though as the preceding paragraph indicates.

Tonight after District meeting I blessed Sister Thorpe. She has to go to the Doctors tomorrow for a special test and she asked for a blessing. I gave it to her. It was neat but I wish I could be inspired a little better than I sometimes am.

March 22, 1977
We tracted 7 hours today. I counted up the number of doors in the tracting book. 225 Doors. It was a long hard day. Most of the people were pretty rude and we had a several doors slammed in our faces. We only got in once all day to an old Oma and made one other appointment. It was really a tough day. I came home pretty tired tonight. It’s interesting to see the Adversary in action as you spend a whole day tracting like we did today. He works on the people so we can hardly say who we are before they slam the door in our faces; and he works on us. It is very discouraging to go hour after hour with rebuke after rebuke and negative answer after another. I think of Pauls words. “To revile not against revilers.” I try to keep that in mind as these people act so rude to us. Tracting is quite an experience. I’m thankful for days like today. It shows me my dependence on the Lord and also how lucky and blessed I am to be a member of the only true church here on earth. So many people are lost and they just can’t comprehend the joy that we have for them. That’s the hardest part.

I also want to express my feelings on an experience we had yesterday. As I mentioned Sister Thorpe was scheduled to go to the Doctor at 8:00 Monday morning. She has been having stomach problems so her appointment was to the Bundeswehr Hospital to have an endoscope test. She was supposed to swallow an Endoscope which really scared her. So since it was the army hospital I told her we’d go with her. I’m so thankful we did. First of all we had to wait for an hour before the Doctor came so we had a good talk. We were sitting on a little bench out in the hall. Finally the real nice nurse asked Sister Thorpe is she wanted to see it. How it was done and all. She said yes and went in. She came out and looked at me and sat down and started to cry. “Oh Elder Rogers it’s that big” she said gesturing with her hand. She was really scared. Sister Thorpe is so sensitive. I really appreciate her. She was very scared but was still able to joke about it. I knew they’d have to give her a shot though. She cried though.

Well soon the Doctor came and invited her in. Within 20 minutes it was all over and the nurse invited us in. She was sitting there on the bed, tranquilized, crying. It was a pretty tender scene. The nurse told us we could take her into the next room and lay down for a while until the affects of the shot wore off. We took her in and she barely was able to but did climb up onto the Doctors table and laid down. She needed so much comfort I wanted to hold her hand or put my arm around her or something but of course I couldn’t. It was a pretty tender scene. She talked and told us there were two of each of us and finally slowly regained all of her senses. After an hour we received the results for the other Doctor and were able to go. As Sister Thorpe laid there and we sat around her it really got me thinking. The Lord sure knows that male and female belong together. Not only as man and wife but as brothers and sisters. We sure do need each other here upon this earth. I felt very close to Sister Thorpe and I know she appreciated our presence at this traumatic experience in her life. It was a very hard thing for her. She’s just so scared of things like that. She’s so feminine, I really appreciate it. I’m glad we went today or rather yesterday and that we had this chance to stand by her as true friends can. We all went away closer because of this experience. My heart is full and I appreciate their experiences.

March 25
Well we had a quick preparation day before going on the work. I called Sister Thorpe the other night and she said she was doing fine. The final report from the Doctor was that she had an infection of the stomach lining. With some pills he gave her and a little time she’ll be okay.

Today we taught a neat lady a complete “C”. She was not really going to let us in until we told her that some friends of ours had sent a card from Australia telling us to visit her. She then let us in and it went well.

Tonight we had another Fireside but Bishop Metzig still blew it.

March 26, 1977
Twenty-three months auf Mission today! These past two years have really flown by. I can’t believe it. It seems like yesterday in some ways but then at times and in other ways it seems like a 100 years.

Today I was tausched with Elder Rodney Holland from New York. He sure is a fine Elder. I sure thought the world of him and his ideas, back when he was in Eppendorf but here he’s fantastic. He is the D.L. of the Hamburger Gemainde. The Largest in the Stake. He has really done a great job. He is very deep and we had some good talks. I am very impressed and I learned a lot from him.

Today we had a fantastic day. We got in 3 times on tracting. One time was very special. A Frau Lorna Brandt who knew all about the Church and Missionaries and all let us in and we had a great talk. She is great. She just about made it several years ago but had family problems. But it just so happens that she is moving Tuesday and she’s now divorced and she separates from her man Tuesday and all these changes are coming for her – this week. I think I felt blood of Israel feelings. I was pretty impressed that it was no coincidence that we found her. It’s going to be a neat experience. We start teaching her in her new apartment next week.

March 27, 1977
Today was a pretty good day. My old companion and his companion Elder Gygi baptized a Frau Marpz today. She has been an investigator for 4 years! They finally got her in today. It has really been an experience. It has taken a lot of faith and work on their part to get her in. She has taken so long but we finally made it. I’m impressed with the new breed of Elders that are coming up I really am. Elder Rogers and Elder Gygi came last August and Elder Davis last July. At times I wish I’d have got in with these new ones. President Roylance sure has made a lot of difference. I’m amazed.

Today was also Gabbrielle (Gabby) Kulmann’s birthday. She is so neat. She is also 21. She’s going to get baptized – hopefully – this week. There’s quite a story behind that but she sure does have a good testimony. I was able to teach her the “I” with Sister McCurdy on our last Austausch. It was really neat. She’s good.

Tonight in District Meeting something really happened. I was on to give the “Predight” or the speech at the end. I talked about life’s battle and the struggle we all go through. I had prepared a few things and a few stories and all and I really was able to put it together well. I then talked on the attitude we can take towards the battle and how through Christ the battle can become sweet. The Spirit was burning. Sister Thorpe started to cry. It was a special experience.

I’ve noticed my ability to speak has really improved. The Lord has really blessed me with a gift. Tonight it upset me that she cried during my words – but that only meant the Spirit touched her. It was powerful. I need to really do some good thinking and praying to realize and utilize this gift that the Lord has given me. To bring glory to him and his work.

March 29, 1977
Well 21 years old today. I really can’t believe I’m that old but I guess it’s true. My life seems like a drop in the bucket to the people I know and the things of eternity. This is my second birthday in Germany and like the last one I spent it in the Lord’s service. We worked all day. It was quite a hard day for me too – I really was quite out of it most of the day.

I want to express some deep honest feelings. I’m tired – very tired of this work. I sure love it but I see how come they call us for just two years. I’m tired of doors slamming. I’m tired of rude people and most of all I’m tired of people who don’t have enough integrity to change what they all know deep in their hearts is wrong. On the other hand I sure love these ones we see daily who slam doors and act rude. You can understand why they do and you still love their souls. It’s very hard to lay your heart out so much daily and have it get stepped on. I feel good about these feelings that I have. I know that I’m tired because I have worked as hard and so intensive on the doors that when the time comes in a little over a month – I’ll be ready. I’ll be burned out and will have given my all. I have one more month. My official date is May 6 so I know what the Lord expects of me and I will give him everything I am this month. It hurts me to see so many people step on the Lord and his Gospel. I sure love him and his church. I also sure love those special people that try and find him – the ones that really try. I haven’t seen many but I sure love them.

Well my birthday was a good long work day. It felt good.

March 30, 1977
Tonight we had our special Schuling meeting with the Stake Missionaries. I was pretty discouraged.  11 showed up. I couldn’t believe it. It was a special meeting. Elder Farnsworth and I have really been concerned and working hard to get ourselves ready for it. The President told us ‘to teach them’ and that was it. He said ‘have a meeting and teach them.’ It was a pretty big challenge but the Lord blessed us. I led the meeting, and gave the opening and closing talks. The Lord really blessed me. I was able to speak and able to bring in a very strong Spirit and all in German. I am humbled by the blessings the Lord gives me. It was a neat experience.

March 31, 1977
Today we had interviews again. These will be my last interviews. I was able to work with Elder Harrison. Just like old times. We had a great day together. It’s good to work with him again. We had some good talks with the Elders and Sisters. I sure learn a lot from these Assistants when I work with them.

Elder Harrison taught me something neat today. He said that he went through the Bible and couldn’t find one example where Jesus was asked a question and didn’t teach using a story – a parable.

The teaching process is like this:
                                                Good teaching                          Example          
All the prophets and greats use this idea.

We had a great day together. He also said something to one Elder about faith that the President said that was interesting. “It takes as much faith to recognize a Spiritual experience as it does to have one.”

That’s so true. Too often we pass experiences off as per chance only because of a lack of faith. I had a great day today.
April 1, 1977
Today we had a terrible discussion with Frau Brandt. She is so hard to teach. We were there 3 hours and didn’t get one thing taught. It was tough. We felt bad. Something has got to change here.

Tonight at Frau Arndts it was good. She prayed in the name of Jesus Christ – finally – and she really felt the Spirit. She’s so busy it’s hard for us to teach her. I have good feelings about her – she’ll make it.

I must really be a Missionary or dull or something – I didn’t pull one April fool’s joke all day. Can’t decide whether that’s good or bad.

April 2, 1977
Last fall in Blankenese Elder Davis I guess it must have been and I GQ’d a young man there by the old wood map at the end of the Bahnhof. It was a real neat experience. He told me his name was Rudy Heinrich and he had quite a story. He told us that he felt he could share something with us and we wouldn’t laugh at him. Then he told us how he had prayed the night before. It was a special experience for us to be led to him. We talked about peace. Peace on earth and peace of soul. I asked where it was to be found – he said he didn’t know. I asked him to let us come by and teach him. Well he did – he lives in Rissen and I sent the address to Elder Harrison there and they taught him. Yesterday or actually today in proper writing tense he was baptized. I sat there with him afterwards and felt of his Spirit. We talked about that first encounter. It’s neat.

The Lord sure lets you know how we are just tools sent out to find the pure in heart. I wonder about the people that I’ve been led to and later were baptized. I think of Frau Feuerherd in Berlin or Dagmir Jacobs in Wilhelmhaven or now of Rudy in Altona. I feel humbled to be a part of this great work. I really do.

April 3, 1977
The General Conference was held today in Salt Lake. We had a special transmission as usual for all the Germans at 16:00 translated and then another one in English at 18:00. It’s my 4th of 4 here in Germany. What a feeling. Frau Arndt came. I think she enjoyed it.

In District meeting we also had the Luneberg brethren up. It was special. We had a testimony meeting and set some goals. I want to write more on my goals another time – but Elder Farnsworth and I set the goal to baptize 5 people this month. That’s pretty hefty but that’s our goal. It was a good District meeting.

Afterwards or actually during the English session we had to go to teach Frau Brandt. Last night we had a special experience. Her problem was apparently fear. She fears Satan – because she has felt him before and continually talks about him, expects him, or in other words invites him back. We tried to teach her about him but it just made it worse so we talked about Christ and prayer.
Finally after a long time she maintained she wouldn’t pray. I said fine and we got down and kneeled and prayed around her table. I was praying and about half-way she got down on her knees with me next to Sister McCurdy. Afterwards she cried. It was a neat experience. She said she wasn’t afraid anymore. Well that was fine but tonight it was a lot different. She wouldn’t pray with us. She wouldn’t let me teach her very good or anything I don’t know what to think of her. She is really childish. Afterwards talking to the Sisters about it we all felt pretty bad for her that she can make such a big joke out of it. This is really going to be a battle. She is good deep inside but there is an awful lot of gentile crust that has got to be removed. The best part is that we teach her with the Sisters and get to see them in action.

April 4, 1977
The famous “Mulligan” maker is back. Saturday I fixed up a bit batch of my famous Mulligan. We invited the Sisters over for lunch since they had to pick up the key for the Church. The big news of the day was the transfers. Sister Thorpe is going to Berlin – to Lankwitz, the old Gegend. That’s good and bad. I sure hate to see her go because of the fine Spirit she brings into the District. Also my own personal feelings. She is a neat person, a real true friend. I’ve really enjoyed the good talks we’ve had and being able to work with her. She’s great. She has a tendency to get down a little but she is so sweet and has a real enjoyable personality. It’s too bad to see her go but she needs this transfer. She’ll do great in Berlin. She’s been here long enough and has done a fine job for this area. She’s a good Missionary. We’ll be looking forward to meeting the new Sister, Sister Cooper Thursday. The people come and they go I guess. You meet so many neat people it’s really hard sometimes. I’m really losing a friend this time – this will be a hard one for me. At least old Sody’s staying. I sure love him! W

We had a great day. Taught 4 discussions. We’ve got some great people coming along. It’s neat.
April 5, 1977
The Lord really blessed us again today. We decided after a long talk to take an Ausflug this morning as a District. So we went to the zoo. Hagenbeck’s Tierpark. It was neat. The Lord blessed us with some people to teach. We found this really neat family. The Jahnhofens. They invited us back Thursday.

April 6, 1977
Today was the Lord’s birthday. There was a bit soccer game on T.V. We couldn’t hardly teach anyone. There must be a discrepancy here. All the things that people busy themselves with. They miss life.

April 7, 1977
Today we left at 6:30 to get to the Sisters by 7:00 to help Sister Thorpe get to the train station by 8:00. She left at 8:20 on the train to Berlin. That was hard for me. Wow I’m going to miss her. She has such a special personality. We were good friends. I hope I’ll get to see her in Salt Lake in the upcoming months. She will probably get married to this one guy right when she gets home – but that will be good too. We are just good buds. It’s neat though. I’ll come visit her in the Church Office building where she will work. She has the neatest job sorting out all the diaries and important papers of the prophets and famous people. She’s got some neat stories to tell.

As we helped her on the train and got everything set it was kind of sad. She was so nervous. Elder Holland went ZL and rode with her to the big city. That made her feel a little better. She’ll do great there. It’s been an interesting experience for me. I don’t know why it was so hard. Just special feelings I guess.

Afterwards we traveled to Steilshop to interview a lady that will be baptized Saturday. Her name is Trzenschewski. A real neat lady. She has a very special story. She was a Frei-Evagelisch until they met her tracting. The first time she closed the door on them but for some reason they came back and she let them in. They gave her a Book of Mormon which she read in one week. She started to read it at first to prove it wrong but she said every time she found something she found the answer in the next couple of pages. Pretty soon she prayed and finally after a real battle got a testimony on Saturday afternoon that it was true. Sunday she came to the church but didn’t dare go in. She did well and the Missionaries went by. It took about 3 more weeks and now she is ready. She is so humble so sweet. She will be a great member. I’m thankful I could interview her.

April 9, 1977
I was tausched today with Elder Hymas and our new Sister – Sister Cooper. It was a pretty tough day. We went tracting for a couple of hours in the morning. It was pretty slow. It’s the East Holiday and so many people are gone or busy. Too bad that they can’t see the light.

We went to a baptism. I had to fill the book out for Sister Tryenschowski. Anke Todt from Altona was also baptized. The whole Altona Ward was there. It was so good to see them all. They are such good friends. Especially people like Sister Herper who gave the closing prayer. It was really special – she cried. I really love her and her two little girls Isabella and ________. I forgot her name. Tcha. It was good seeing everyone again. I sure love that ward. My heart lies in Altona.

The Tausch wasn’t that good. Sister Cooper is pretty quiet. I couldn’t get her to open up all day. She’s a little different, very Zuruckgehalten. Oh well, time will open it up. I did feel bad though for Hymer. He felt bad because the day didn’t run very well. He sure is a good man, I sure love him.

April 10, 1977
Sunday’s aren’t the same. It’s just not the same without Sister Thorpe. I don’t know what it is but she just added something extra. My day wasn’t very good. I just didn’t feel with it. My companion got on me just a little for saying too much in our GML meeting with Brother Gabrecht. I have to really watch it or I say it all and he feels bad. I’m learning. It’s hard to be a leader with another leader. We had some investigators in Church though. It was a weird day. I just couldn’t feel the Spirit very good. It was tough.

I’m troubled tonight. I don’t know. We have a big goal this month and we just ain’t making much progress. Lord bless us.

April 11. 1977
Yesterday was Easter. This book starts out with Easter Sunday. It seems like a 100 years ago – Easter in WHV. I just couldn’t get the Easter Spirit yesterday. There was a good reason too. Yesterday in Church 3 good talks were given, but they were on the Apostasy and the Restoration and development of the Church. Very detailed but with little Spirit. It reminded me of how I would picture a meeting of the JW’s; trying to prove with facts all there is to be proved. The worst part was that on East Sunday not one word was said about Christ. Not one. I felt kind of bad last night when I wrote that I really didn’t feel good and couldn’t get the Spirit yesterday. If there is one the Church needs – it’s to come back to the Lord Jesus Christ. My personal relationship since has grown since the last Zone Conference.

Today was also pretty bad. We spent it at the Members all day. We were at Bishop Krup for awhile which was neat – he just being back from America and showing us all his pictures and stuff – but after that it was bad. We were late for Marions. That was the worst. Na ja, we’re tausched tomorrow and I’m ready to hit the doors!

April 12, 1977
Today I was tausched with Elder Randal Hale from Rupert, Idaho. He is the District Leader in Wilhemsburg but will be going Zone Leader with Elder Reichman in Bremen as of Thursday. We had a good day. We had a good long talk on time about a year ago in Bremen at the Ubertragung. Apparently I really helped him a lot. We were both kind of excited to get to work together. We had a great day too.

We had a very beautiful experience with Fraulen Kandler. It was so special. She has been making great progress and even tried to pray a couple of times since we saw her last. Tonight we gave her a D 1-5. The Spirit was so strong I couldn’t believe it. Its been a couple of weeks Since I’ve felt the Spirit so strong. I asked how it was when she prayed last Saturday. She looked at me and said very humbled – ‘how did you know I prayed last Saturday?’ The words had come but I had actually forgotten that it was actually Thursday when we were there. She was very humbled and told me she really felt the Spirit. Well now we change battle plans. I feel Blood of Israel feelings. She told us she really knew something was there but it’s hard for her. We’ll be going by every day. I was truly humbled. To see the Lord’s hand.

She lives with her boyfriend. They are not married but apparently things are a little shaky right now. She comes from the DDR. East Berlin. She doesn’t know hardly the first thing about religion. Tonight she asked me who Paul was. She is a very beautiful and very spiritual person. She is so innocent in many ways. She has never been taught about Spiritual things and it’s like teaching someone who has never even heard of Christ before. But boy the Spirit is teaching her. One more thing that I wanted to add. She comes from East Berlin. Her mother and her made it out after the wall was up – somehow. She was 8 years old but they put her to sleep. She doesn’t know and her mother won’t say anything because they are probably still using this escape method today. It’s a very real Cold War and being that I was in Berlin and saw the wall and everything myself I know what it’s all about. That brings up another question. I’ve met so many gospel-ripe people that come from East-Block countries I wonder when the day will come that we can teach the people there? I wonder if I will be able to be an instrument in the hands of the Lord? To help later in these countries! It’s something to ponder. I know one thing though and that is that one certain little Matina Kandler has never had the chance to hear much about the gospel but through us is hearing and changing. She is learning to hear the Shepherd’s voice.

April 13, 1977
Last night after we tausched back out the President called. I answered and we had a good long talk. He explained about a problem he had and that he needed our help. Elder Richard Graschof from Salzburg, Austria came in August of 1975. He sang with me in Berliner Choir. We all knew him and all knew the hard time he has. He’s one of a kind. Well throughout his Mission he has had the very best companions – the very best Elders in the Mission. Its been very hard. He has a pride that just won’t quit. Its been a tough year and one half for the whole Mission. A lot like the Elder Pillmann story. Well the President has reached the end of his rope. He has three choices. He can send him home or to another Mission, or he can try to somehow discipline him here a little. So we talked about this 3rd choice and having him come to us. The President needs two big mean Zone Leaders to sort of handle the situation. He called us because of several reasons. One is my size and also experience with this kind of situation. The President doesn’t want us buffaloed. It will last for 2 weeks approximately. President Roylance just called to see what we thought. There was no official discussion as of yet. But I can see it coming.

Well we had a pretty good day. We took an hour this morning and cleaned up the place. I told Elder Farnsworth last night that although no official discussion has been made he’ll be coming. I can see the writing on the wall. It’s going to be tough. The President knew this would hurt my personal goals but I guess that’s the Lord’s way. He will bless us for it. We had a pretty good day. We taught Fraulein Kandler. Gave her or showed her Suche. It went well. She is so good.
We tried to visit Frau Arndt but she wasn’t home. We worked hard. Lots of tracting and not too much success. I called Elder Harrison tonight. We will be getting Graschof. It’s going to be tough. What an assignment for the last 3 weeks. I pray for the Lords help.
April 14, 1977
We went by Fraulein Kandler’s today. She fixed us the best meal. Pork loin smoked its called Kassler. The most expensive meat there is. We helped her cut things up and fix it. She is so neat. We talked a little about the Church but didn’t have a whole lot of time because of the fact we had to pick Elder Graschof up. It went well though. We have an appointment Saturday night. She is blood of Israel.

Well we picked up the man today. This is going to be some experience. We packed his stuff across the whole city on the S&U Behn. He wants to sleep on the floor in a sleeping bag even though we brought a cot from the office all the way with us. It will be interesting to see what happens. His attitude seems to be pretty good as of yet though.

Tonight we taught Frau Arndt. We taught her an H discussion. I taught tithing and then Elder Farnsworth started with Chastity. We don’t know her past but she has Martin and no husband. She explained it as “well we were alone from the beginning.” Well as we hit this subject she broke down. Elder Farnsworth finished – she was in tears. She said she felt like we were calling her a sinner. So I picked up the ball and hit her with repentance and the need for baptism. I rechallenged her and set a date for the 30th of April. She still said that this date was too early, and that she wasn’t ready. I told her that no one is ready when we prepare for a date. That’s why we give baptismal challenges to help her prepare. Well we left on that note and she will prepare and make it. I feel it. The book the Challenge talks about this kind of challenging. She is especially the kind that needs to be challenged hard. I feel good about it. The Spirit was there.

April 15, 1977
Our first complete day with Elder Graschof. It was tough tracting as a dritt but we tracting the whole day. It was a long hard day.

April 16, 1977
What a tough day. It was pretty good I guess until tonight in our last appointment. I feel pretty alone tonight. Elder Graschof is here fiddling around but won’t say anything and Elder Farnsworth is in the bathroom. Probably to pray. I’m trying to think and also to write. My mind is pretty unclear. Tonight we were with Fraulein Kandler and were trying to give a F discussion. I got to the part about repentance and she had lots of trouble understanding it. Well she asked for an example so Brother Graschof took off with an experience from his life. He picked of all things masturbation. I about died. Of course just struggling with praying and the plan of salvationshe isn’t ready to understand all of the commandments. Well it blew her mind and all kinds of questions came. I’m surely not afraid to teach the Gospel in all its aspects but it sure is a lot easier to help one understand the commandments when he can go on his knees and ask the Lord. When he has a testimony of Joseph Smith and a few things then we can turn the handle but it doesn’t work very good through the back door. Well needless to say we couldn’t teach anymore. We closed the discussion and left. There was no Spirit.

Afterwards we had a little talk with Elder Graschof. He felt pretty bad and I didn’t really jump on him or anything but we had a good talk. He’s a good man. He felt bad. The problem is he doesn’t study and can’t get close to the Spirit. He can’t teach very well, but he could because he has the language and all. Well he got mad at me and all – but it will work out. It was a hard day. I pray the Lord’s blessing upon us all.

Sonntag, April 17, 1977
Another very hard day. Frau Arndt came today and left madder than a hornet. It was my fault. She didn’t get passed the Sacrament and it really blew her mind. Well she said she had had enough and finally for us not to come this week. We barely were able to get the permission to come back at all. In a week or so after she has time to cool off and think about it. Boy we have made mistakes with her. Teaching mistakes left and right. It seems I just never learn how to get close enough to the Lord to do it right. Well I feel pretty bad about today and know that I have a lot of repenting to do. I feel though – I know that this is just a small thing and Frau Arndt is looking for these small things now. She is very prideful. It’s going to be interesting to see if she can make it. I pray for her. I’m pretty down about the whole thing. I need to love her better. It was tough.

April 18, 1977
Things are going well with Elder Graschof now. We had a great day and his attitude is coming along fine. Tonight we 2 or 3 discussions and just did a good job. He is doing pretty good. Today we had a lot of fun.

Yesterday Fraulein Kandler came to church. She had so many questions after our bad experience Saturday night. After I was able to have a pretty good talk in the hall with her. She is really blood of Israel. She feels it in her heart. I am so impressed by her. I just really know she will make it. She is living with her friend and it will be a long road to get her broken up and all – but she wants to. I pray for her. She is the neatest single person I’ve met on my Mission. I sure think the world of her.

April 19, 1977
Today was our special Meeting with Neal A. Maxwell. What a special experience. He really gave us some words of counsel and let us taste of his wisdom. I was so impressed. His style is different than a lot of other people – I liked it. I still like President Roylance style pretty good though!

April 19, 1977
Special Conference – Wartenan, Hamburg

Neal A. Maxwell – from The First Council of the Seventy.

Sister Roylance – Prayer
Story of the Missionaries who stayed for lunch, all afternoon.
Story of Elder Benson – Street Meeting – One companion praying for the other.

President Roylance –
I’ve been thinking about the Savior.
The difference between turning water to wine and turning stone to bread.
He could have turned the stones to bread.
He had a trust which he would not break.
To use these powers for gratification of self – for personal means was very different – than to bless others. As his mother.

*The using of heavenly powers and gifts to bless others – but not for the gratification of self.
Analyzing our motives.

This cause rests squarely on selflessness.

He who shall lose his life shall find it.

President Neal A. Maxwell                                                                                          
I appreciate you.
You’re in the right place, at the right time, doing the right thing.
“Precious few mortals can say that. Precious few.”
We’re coming into a new era. Here in Germany.
New Serviceman’s Stake
25 buildings planned
We’re not going to see this kind of growth without the Adversary reminding us of this power a little. He will be flexing his arm here and there.
Statistics                                               Fill the zest of this growth.
1830 – 1930    100 stakes
Probably 100 this year
Teamwork – coordination
Story of Porter Rockwell and _____ Smith
140,000 – Converts in 1976
He also gave us a prediction in the meeting tonight of 250,000 this year. Wow- these aren’t just words.
23 – languages LTM
4 – Temples
Brigham Young – As this comes along – the Adversary will rise in proportions
            = A solemn reminder.
Missionary Work.
Alma 38:12
Be bold; be full of love; bridle passions, and work.
A constellation or balance of character traits
Hebrews 13:17
“Obey our Leaders”
Don’t be offended when people check-up on you.
The story of the man who was excommunicated after he was home and married. Sister (Member) confessed after 2 years.
Make the decision once!
Many problems can be solved. Do it once and whenever it comes up you don’t have to make the decision again.
“A Mission shows manhood as the morning shows the day.” (but not in Hamburg)
Are there some things I’d like to adjust?
“Enoch’s Faith came by personal righteousness”
A revelation given to Oscar McConkie when he was Mission President.
Our need to improve – in terms of personal righteousness.

1000 mothers out in the Parking Lot. Find yours. Tell me how to find yours.
We know more than we can tell.
We need the Spirit – in order for our words to penetrate.

Acts 26: 27-28 – Two Kings – Agrippa knew but wouldn’t do it.
Alma 22:7 – Lamoni – People surrender to us.
Putting a question directly to people.
Tell them that it’s the Spirit that is bearing witness to them.
“Take advantage of the right moments. The teaching moments.”
Little Tip
“Helping the old friends meet the new friends.”

Pray as specific as possible. A vague prayer isn’t much of a prayer.
As Leaders draw out specific things. From the group.

“Deserved specific commendation” – weekly. For companion relationships.
This is my beloved son. In whom I am well pleased. – Building up.

(Insert diagram)                                                                      Elijah story.     
                                                                                                2 Kings 6: 15-18

We limit ourselves. We need to think big.
“Think of ourselves – not for what we are – but what we can become.”
A good example for thinking big. What we can be.

Self Improvement – Eternal progression.
How we feel about ourselves effects our whole outlook on life.

“My Almost Agendum” – The Almost Agendum Exercise.
President Smith bore his testimony individually to his children.
Wrote each of his children an individual letter. Love letter to his wife.
Wrote a book about Enoch.
Got his Father’s blessings.                                 “Little things”
Looked up his old English teacher.
Personal Agenda
Set some goals for the life after Mission.
Stop messing around at night.
Write in diary.
Analyze my Mission.
Personal – self motivated
Written down
Time limit
I call it registering our goals.
He Committed to us to have a manuscript to a new book in by August 1.
The Spirit of Sacrifice
Ultimately everything has to go on the Altar of Sacrifice.
If we want to draw closer to the Lord we must sacrifice.
D&C 105: 31-32
Let my Army be great.
Let them sanctify themselves.
Great promise
Stories: Admiral Nelson
                        Jesus – Father sanctify me for them
                        Our Churches are not Mueseums.
Testimony – Neal A. Maxwell
Three Observations
Personal change cannot be done without pain.
We need to learn to follow the Prophet. Elijah or Spencer W. Kimball. 1 King 18:30-38.
Insight – that we work with immortals. One way or the other – they become immortal beings.
The Everlasting History is the one being written by the Church of Jesus Christ.
Leave big Footprints in this History
Princes come and Princes go. An hour of Pomp an hour if show.

April 19, 1977
Today as President Roylance was bearing his testimony he talked about destiny and things he felt in his heart. He said that these are times in your life when you feel that what you are doing is according to pre-arranged commitments. He feels in his life the different steps, looking forward to the next each time with this idea in mind. A fulfilling of covenants made long ago. His first step was marriage, then came the studies, and his first big assignment. Then his call to Salt Lake to the writing staff and now his Mission call. He concluded there but I felt he anticipates the next step or at least ponders it. Not living in the future or anything – just preparing for that what the Lord expects of us. As I pondered this I felt feelings in my own heart. What is my destiny? I want to feel these steps in my life and how I can best serve the Lord. As Neal A Maxwell had us write down some things that we were going to work on he called on me to write down my goal. My goal was to set some good goals for the after-Mission life. President Roylance’s testimony really touched me. I’ve heard him bear his testimony many times and every time it has been different. He has taught me. I sure love him.

I ponder these things. I feel my own life coming along now. I feel that this Missionary experience was planned. I know my Marriage is now the next important step. I feel I have also made covenants with the Lord for my life here upon this earth and I want to find them out and keep them as I travel life’s highway. I feel the Lord calling me, and I really don’t know which way my direction is but I know he needs me somewhere. I am working hard right now on Spirituality.

“Enoch’s faith came by personal righteousness.”

I am struggling in my prayer and actions – trying to draw closer unto the Lord. This is what I will really work on in the next 2 weeks.

I made a commitment today to Brother Maxwell, President Roylance, and the rest of the Missionaries. This commitment was to have a list of goals for myself for after the Mission. I want to write them and have a paper that I can place on the President’s desk – which he can sign and we can discuss together. I’m looking forward to that interview.

I have many other questions that I’d like to ask him. Here is the list that I would like to ask him.
How do I continue to climb that mountain of knowing Christ’s love as I return to the gentile world? How do I get to know Christ’s love better?
What are the opportunities of the Seminary and Institute programs as life callings, jobs?
How is the Hierarchy to be understood between Elohim, Christ and myself. They came as perfect saviors (or did Elohim?) and I have sinned. Is there a Hierarchy of Gods?
How is that to be understood, that the man of BYU overcame his thoughts one day in the parking lot. Did he ever have these thoughts again? What does it mean?
Moses 6:22 – The President’s ideas on evolution and Adam being the first son of God.

April 20, 1977
The smoke hit the floor today. Elder Farnsworth went to Luneburg to give a Tauf interview. I was left alone with Brother Grasshof to do some work. Well the second we got off the bus in the Gegend he started to yell at me. Boy did he blow his top. When the three of us are together he can’t do much but he showed me what he’s made of. He flew into me and good. I just casually went to the first door and started to tract. He wouldn’t say anything all the time. Later when Elder Farnsworth came back he would walk or talk with us. We had an appointment with Fraulein Kandler. We sure couldn’t get the Spirit. Elder Farnsworth said it was because of Elder Grasshof. We weren’t together and she felt it. I don’t know, but I do know that we couldn’t get the Spirit. I am worried. She needs to come and we couldn’t help her today.

April 21, 1977
After a very hard unsuccessful morning of tracting we were contemplating what we were going to do in the afternoon when the Sisters called. They were on their way to visit Sylvia Novak at Ochsensoll Krankenhaus. Well they wanted to give Sylvia a blessing, so they asked us to come along. So we did. Later we finally did get in one door but the day wasn’t a real hot winner.
I want to mention a little about my visit to the Hospital. Ochsensoll is the nut-farm. Mentally disturbed people. Well we had a talk with Sylvia and it tears me apart what is going on there. Sylvia went in because she is discouraged. Down and discouraged for one reason. She is breaking the law of Chastity. She has a friend and they often come together for sex. She is 36 years old and I guess never really had the proper chance to get married. She knows the commandments of God and she feels his Spirit. Well lately she hasn’t felt his Spirit and she has felt really guilty, for these things she has been doing. She prayed and asked the Lord to forgive her and she told us something very interesting. She said she felt like the Lord expected more out of her. Of course he does – she asks for forgiveness but hasn’t the intention to quit sinning. Well these are the Spiritual problems running through her soul that makes her sick. Mentally and Spiritually sick. She goes in this hospital and tells the whole matter to the doctors there and they say she’s stupid and crazy to have such guilt feelings. It’s the natural thing to have sex and no one should feel bad about it. When I hear things I get outraged. This world is sick! I know that these people are going to be damned for these wicked practices and these doctors that don’t understand the laws of God or the Spiritual pain and consequent suffering of sin will never be able to heal anyone. I get sick when I think of the wickedness of this nation. I’m sure America is approaching the same level but it is enough for me. I’m tired of the whole mess.

April 22, 1977
Another very tough day. Frau Meyer told us tschuss today. They really weren’t that good but I felt she was making progress. She never would really prove it though. We finally got in one door today. After a week of tracting we got in. Its been a tough week – boy.

April 23, 1977
This morning we went to the Trodel Market – the flea market. There was more stuff there than I could believe. We me Fraulein Kandler there. She’s great – but her friend is a little against the whole thing. It’s a tough situation. We tracted later – with not much success. This is one of those tough weeks. It really has been hard. Lord bless us.

April 24, 1977
I have so many things running through my head right now it’s hard to think clearly. This has been a very hard week – for all of us. Friday Jurgen Heinrichs was baptized. I interviewed him Tuesday the day of our special conference, in Hamburg, although he comes from Wilhelmsburg.
That was a neat experience. Anyway after the baptism we talked to the Sisters and they were really down. In fact Sister McCurdy was really sick the night before and just really felt down. It was a real hard situation and I didn’t smell the seriousness of it right off (Sisters sure have tender feelings). Anyway I finally got Sister McCurdy to open up a little. Apparently she has really been down and went to the doctor about her face. Her whole body is a little off balance. It shows or comes out in her complexion. She asked us to give her a blessing so we went in the High Council room and gave her one. She asked Elder Farnsworth to anoint and me to seal. I did and I really felt the Spirit. I really felt like and instrument in the hands of the Lord.

I’m learning to be sensitive to all the things going on around me. My companion was a little hurt that she came to me for help. It bothers him to have everyone come or often come to me. We all need to feel needed and it really eats on him. I can’t do much to help. Sometimes I tell people to talk with him for a few minutes about something so we share the time a little. It’s really hard to have 2 District Leaders. When there was only one it was a lot easier to work. Elder Farnsworth and I work pretty well together – but it’s often hard. I have to constantly be aware of feelings and situations. He sure is a good Missionary though.

Elder Grasshoff is the big problem. All these others are just the icing on the cake. He is the cake. It hurts our whole District and actually the whole Zone because we can’t Tausch very well and our communication abilities are very kindered. Also our District Meeting is tough to do in German. It’s really hard to try and inspire Elder Grasshoff to catch the vision. It’s hard with 3 to come on the doors and it’s hard to teach with him because he always leads us off the subject. I’m just quite discouraged about the whole situation – but I have to be really strong. Everyone else in the whole District is quite right down. I have to be strong because they need the support and cheerfulness. Your problems don’t seem quite so bad if someone around you is happy. That someone is oftentimes me. I remember what President Roylance said. He said we just don’t get down – as leaders. We can fight all we want and have all the personal struggles that we want inside the wohnung – but when we leave we are the leaders. And that means the others don’t know or feel the struggle. All they see is a strong, happy, consistent Zone Leader. Well I know what that means. I also know and have a testimony of the principle. It works and I’ve been needing it a lot lately.

Fraulein Kandler and Frau Arndt came to church this morning. I was so tickled to see her. Things still aren’t too hot – but at least she came to Church. I felt she would. She feels these things in her heart although she still fights it. She said we could come by Tuesday.

Fraulein Kandler was also impressed. They are both making progress but not fast enough. I’m going to be gone before they in I’m afraid. We had such high hopes for this month. I’ve really worked hard this last month of my Mission. I’m not finished yet – though. Still one last glorious week.

April 25, 1977
We had a great day today. We did reports and then had a great day on the doors this afternoon. We even got in and taught a lady. Tonight an appointment fell out so we felt impressed to visit Fraulein Kandler. She was tickled to see us. She is really fighting. She needs to get the power of God to help her make these changes. A repentance problem. She is good though. We sure love her? I pray she’ll make it.

April 26, 1977
Two years ago today I walked into the Mission Home there in Salt Lake City. How could I have know what was ahead? How could I have realized the growth that would take place? The experiences that I would have. I (How ?) could I have known about the hard time or the good times? Two years of service to the Lord. I feel good about my Mission. I am very humbled to be sitting here at this point looking back. I sure love this work and appreciate these special experiences I have had.

I was reading last night in my Diary from back in Berlin. Those were some special days. I have really grown in so many areas. My awareness of the Spiritual side of life is very developed. I never realized these things before. President Roylance has played the biggest role in this development in me. He has touched my soul and I love him deeply.

I can see the next few months and years in my life before me and I know the challenges that await. If there is one thing that I have learned in these past 2 years is the realness of the battle. This life is a testing ground and I feel I have been right up on the front lines helping people fight this battle. I have fought and fought and I know the power of Adversary. This life is a real battle and the rewards often await us in the next life – but it is still sweet – very sweet – if we
rely upon the Lord. If we make him our strength. I plan on fighting this battle my entire life. I love this work and I love the battle that awaits me. I know what it means and I dedicate myself to the Lord to this purpose.

I know that sooner or later we have to lay everything on the Altar. I feel that I can do this but I want to develop these feelings deeper. It is my personal conviction that the Lord can have anything he wants of me. He owns me. I am his property. After 2 years of service I commit my life, my possessions and all that I am to him. I am his servant and will do all that he requires of me. I rejoice in him.

April 27, 1977
It feels good that I can give extra days to the Lord. We have really worked hard this week and have finally seen some success. Even as a dritt. We have gotten in twice in the last 2 days to teach people. Once to a hausfrau and again to another older – middle-aged lady. We are now teaching both. Its been a great 2 days. We have taught 10 discussions so far this week and its only Wednesday. I feel good about the work.

Tonight we taught Fraulein Kandler the first half of an H discussion. She is so neat. I taught her an H-3 on chastity and she accepted it beautifully. We challenged her hard to get next to the Lord and pray about it. She is living right now with her Freund. She says it’s on the rocks and will probably fall apart – I hope so. She needs the church and the blessings of the Lord in her life. I sure think the world of her.

My heart is full as I just take in and enjoy every precious day of this work. I have precious few days left.

April 28, 1977
It was a pretty good day for me. Quite hard though. Tomorrow is the big Zone Conference. I’m really excited. It was a pretty good day as far as teaching people. We taught some people.

I wonder how many people I’ve taught in the last 2 years. It has been a lot. All the doors and then the GQ’s besides the discussions and real investigators. I’ve put in many long hours for the Lord. I know I could have worked harder at times but I sure feel good about it all. I know they take good looks in heaven. I have born testimony of the truthfulness of the Gospel so often and so much. I wonder if I really might have sown some seeds somewhere. I believe so – but it’s really hard to tell. I know one thing. I sure love this work and won’t stop just because I will shortly be released as a Missionary.

April 27, 1977
There are special experiences in a man’s life that he holds close to his heart and cherishes till the day he dies. Such an experience was this Zone Conference for me. At the end although we were late and behind schedule the President let us 3 or 4 (and the new Assistant) who were going home bear our testimonies. Elder Howard and I both had tears in our eyes as we expressed thanks for the opportunity we have had to serve. It was so hard – but very special. I pledged myself to these Missionaries and dedicated to them that I wasn’t going to stop. I sure love this work.

The Zone Conference was fantastic. I am taking notes on how to be a good Mission President and now I think I know how. In most all areas. The President talked about the “Ideal Missionary.” He told us much of the things he told the Zone Leaders the previous month in Zone Council Meeting. He talked about Paul Bergeson although he named him Don Smith and just really gave a character description of this fine Elder. As I measure myself up to him there are several places where it really hurts to realize where improvement could be made. On the other hand it feels good to realize the many things that we have in common – realizing through the Lord’s help I have done some good and accomplished much.

After lunch we had a great class from the Assistants and then the President talked. He talked on Spiritual growth and Sanctification. One of the best talks I have ever heard on this. It was like a class. We asked questions and he taught the whole Zone these ideas. I was so impressed. Wow, I am going to miss these sessions. I sure love him. The whole Conference was special.

My heart yearns to be like President Roylance – to be more like Christ. I feel these growth processes in me and I am impressed and touched. I sure am thankful for these past two years. I love the Lord and His work.
April 30, 1977
Gabi Kuhlmann was baptized today. It was a great day. A special baptism. We called it a Zone Baptism and baptized 4 people. Stephen Tyenschewski was also baptized a few hours earlier so it was special. In the meeting there were over 100 people. We held it upstairs in the Chapel and then went downstairs to baptize. It was neat. I led the first half of the meeting and said just a few words after Sister McCurdy’s very good talk on baptism. It was a good experience for the whole Zone.

Fraulein Kandler was there and was really touched by the Spirit. The meeting was investigator oriented and there were many of them there. She said it was aufregent – stirring or exciting in other words.

Afterwards we had a discussion with her about Christ. We told her about Christ and then told her the “Thurlo story.” She was really touched. The Spirit was so strong. We challenged her to baptism but she just quite couldn’t say yes. She is working on it but there is still something holding her back. We asked her to pray with us but she wouldn’t. We really put the loving pressure on, but she refused. It was a tough situation. Something is stopping her. Holding her back. We still don’t know what it is but boy this is a real battle.

I learned a good lesson today. In the baptism this evening I said a few remarks. They were very good and very investigator oriented – somewhat like President Roylance’s fireside. I felt pretty good – but I knew in my heart that I could have prepared better. I know that it could have been better had I been closer to the Lord. He has given me a gift to speak and this can be a very powerful gift if I use it righteously and “selflessly” for the benefit of others. I felt like I didn’t do that as good as I should have today. It was a good lesson for me.

May 1, 1977
My last Sunday as a Missionary. It was a special day but a pretty hard one for me. Frau Arndt came to Church – both meetings it was fast Sunday. There was really a special Spirit in the meeting. I wanted to give my Testimony so bad. It was my last chance – but there were so many that I didn’t get the chance. That hurt a little but I guess I couldn’t say I didn’t have the chance really. We have such a special Gemeinde. It really is one of the neatest I have ever been in. Bishop Krug and his family is the neatest family. They are really special. I’m thinking almost planning somehow to visit them with my family. It would be worth it if I could get permission from President Roylance.

We ate at Gabrechts, for the last time. That was also hard to do. I don’t want to make a big sentimental parting everywhere I go but this family will be hard to leave. I have eaten there every week except one in my 3 months at Rahlstedt. What special experiences are ours?

Tonight we had our last District Meeting or I should say my last District Meeting. It was a hard experience for me. I talked a little at the end and expressed some of my feelings to them. I explained to them how hard it is to go home not reaching all the goals you had set for yourself in the areas of baptism, but then how good it feels to realize you had been a trustful servant of the Lord. I have been struggling with the question “Is the Lord pleased with my work the past few years?” There are times when we all could have worked harder and done better but all in all I think the Lord would be pleased – if I now take what I’ve learned and practice it. I go home with 2 things. First of all a vision – I have seen it these past 2 years. And second – a covenant to share it. Then I feel the Lord would be well pleased. In other works – I’m just starting to please the Lord. I have a lifetime of served ahead of me.

May 6, 1977
Baptismal Interview – Elder Harrison
Feeling of Ease
W of W and Tithing. Two important keys. Laws of Heaven
Moral Areas. Shouldn’t dig up the past but they should be questioned about current things.
Baptism. If it doesn’t go. Both prayer and act should be done over again.

Irregularities – Handle your own problems.
Missionaries should come to you for these problems.
We should earn their trust.
President wants to be informed on all irregulations – especially health.

Role of Assistant – (President Roylance)
Welcome and roll out the Red Carpet for the Assistants.
They’ll come early and study and do it right.
When the President receives General Authorities with the Red Carpet.
Theodore Bowton

Elder Ralph –
Leader – versus – Supervisor                “Inspire and Motivate”
Lead in all areas
Genuine love for all Missionaries.
Still – We have the authority – now all we need to do is get the ability.

Inspire and motivate – Tausching.

Interviews –
We should know their needs.
They should feel our love.
President Roylance –

(Insert diagram)

What a powerful speech on the coming of the Millenium. He said some neat things – showing us figures of how many people we need to baptize to reach a goal of hundreds of Stakes here in Germany. The thing that impresses me the most I this. To most people the Prophet’s words sound like a neat prophecy – but President Roylance considers them a work order – a direct challenge to do the things he says will happen. An interesting concept. He makes the things happen that the Prophet says will. I’ve never thought about shouldering the responsibility the way he does. I sure admire him.

I was glad to be able to attend this meeting. It was better than staying in the office all day, which is what I did the rest of the day. Kind of a let-down after last night.

I can’t believe it’s over. I really can’t believe it.

Tomorrow Mom and the girls fly in at noon.


April 25, 1978
Wow! It’s been almost a year since I’ve written down my thoughts. I sure feel bad about that. In the next few weeks I want to address myself to a few of the feelings I have inside.

A lot has happened this past year. I have become engaged and am now married! That’s the neatest thing that could ever happen to anyone!!! I am so happy even though its been a rough struggle at times. My dear sweet wife Mitzie is the apple of my eye. I love her and grow to love her more each passing day. I never could have realized what it would have meant before.

I have been married four months now. We are expecting our first child. I am so happy I can’t contain myself. I know Mitz feels the same even though she’s sick in the mornings. It’s really hard on her.

There are so many things I want to express in writing. Here’s my list:
            Getting Engaged!
            The Temple
            Our Temple Marriage
            Our First Christmas
            Married Life
            The Great News
            Stake Mission President

I better get busy. I sure have a lot to write. I have at least broken the ice though tonight after a long year of silence!