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| "Gedachtniskirche" We sang on this steps with the choir |
December 1975 – Berlin
December 1, 1975
The first day of December already. Wow I can’t really believe it. Time is going by so fast. On Christmas Day 1/3 of my Mission will be gone. I really can’t believe how fast it’s going. It started kind of slow but wow. I just hope I am learning what’s important and that I will be ready when the time comes for me to take the reins. I feel good about it. Tonight I put together my Family Home Evening book. It’s a pretty nice little book and it has 5 or 6 themes so I don’t feel bad about that. Now I need to get going on the Member Missionary program. It will come.
Today with the Choir I just seemed to have bad luck. I asked a lot of Golden Questions but I was really turned down a lot. Maybe I am doing something wrong or maybe it was just a bad day but it didn’t feel too good to get turned down so much. Oh, well tomorrow will be better. I really like singing and asking GQ’s and all. It’s a lot of hard work really but I enjoy it. I pray that the Lord will bless me so that I can be an instrument in his hands as I ask people that they will be touched and come into the church.
Elder Grey and I had a good talk yesterday. Wow he sure did have a good G.Q. Some guy and him talked for about an hour over everything but mainly about repentance and baptism – a great guy and one that should come into the fold. It was a very special experience for Elder Grey and it makes me feel good that our Choir touched at least one person if not many others.
We also had a long talk about companions. He is really having a hard time right now with a lot of things but his biggest problem is with his companion. He does have a weak companion but even so he has got to really work. I just gave him a little encouragement and reminded him of how important it is to get along with your companion. To be one. It’s one of the hardest but most important things about being a Missionary!
December 2, 1975
For some reason I was really touched by a lot of things today. This morning we sang at Rathous Schoneburg where President Kennedy gave his famous speech. (Ich bin ein Berliner) It was a Market there with a lot of old people. They were really touched by our singing. Some were crying, most were singing, and they all enjoyed it. This one old couple were just overwhelmed. They bought us flowers and were just thrilled that we would do something like that. I talked to a lot of old people and one old guy was really impressed. He didn’t want us to come and see him but he did look me up after we had parted to give me 2 marks. I felt just like I always did when people tried to tip me at the store. After a moment I took it though and I guess that made him happy. I’ll buy someone a Book of Mormon with it. He was a nice old guy but I couldn’t help him.
I got a good letter from Mom today. She wants me to make that faith tape I was talking about and I think I will.
I learned something or realized something again today. Last night I set a goal to get 7 addresses today in my G.Q. asking. I didn’t reach that goal, and in fast this morning I hardly even got a positive reaction. I can see why too. I was doing it for the wrong reason. I want to be the best Missionary I can – so I set goals and work hard. I see other Missionaries doing good and I want to too. But I was competing. Doing it wrong, etc., etc. The way to do it is to take interest in the people like I have always known. To love them. Make them ask you to come visit them. It comes from loving them, from caring, from showing them you really do have something to give. Not trying to get their address and run to the next one. Well, this afternoon I was led by the Spirit to talk with one guy. We had an excellent talk and I am going to call him and start teaching him, I hope. It was special – better than 7 addresses. Just one guy. I really learned the “why” behind a few things today. I felt the Spirit in realizing these things. I am always growing and learning.
December 3, 1975
We ate breakfast with Sister Wener this morning and visited a couple of people tonight but other than that it was with the Choir all day. With a good attitude that I tried to keep all day I found my day went so good. I got several addresses and felt good about it. It was a long hard day but I felt real good. I even met some guys from Rome. I’ll send their addresses on and hope something comes of it.
Things really happen around here. Last night we played Army so we helped a couple of Americans find their way in the city by night as part of their war games. For being here several years they sure don’t know much about Berlin. They are lost. Wow we go everywhere and speak with so many people. We see a very good view of everything whereas they sort of just look in the window. Tonight we watched a big demonstration. People, I never saw so many people in my life. I could say well of ten thousand marched past as we watched. It was protesting school monies, etc. A communist march. Real big. I’ve never seen anything like it.
Today we also met some American exchange students. We talked with them for a while and then I started explaining about the Gospel. Wow Americans are easy to talk to. Maybe because they were so far away from home but I don’t think so. They are just more open than most Germans. The one girl is going to look up the Missionaries in Luneburg when she goes there next week.
I’ve been doing a little thinking about the difference between Germans and Americans and I realize there are a lot of factors going against these people but the big thing is that they have never seen it done before. Never seen a stake farm, or service project, or bake sale, etc., etc. I got thinking that, just like Spirit Club, if I could push these programs, build a little excitement, etc. that they might come along. Good food for thought for when I become D.L. in a deadbeat Geminde someday.
December 4, 1975
Another long day of singing. We sang most of the day and are real tired tonight. We don’t get to have a preparation day tomorrow so we went to the store tonight and will have to get up early and do a little washing.
Today we helped a lady find her way. She was an American that was in a bus wreck here a couple of days ago. Her husband is hurt and in the hospital so she is trying to get around here in Berlin. We showed her how to get to the U.S. Embassy. She was nice.
December 5, 1975
Wow a long hard day. We sang about 8 hours today. It was a good hard day. I am so tired I can’t really write too good. We sang today at Rathous Schoneburg and I think I lost my umbrella. There is still a chance that the German guy in the ward that takes care of the speakers has it but I probably lost it. That’s too bad too. Mom gave that one to me special and I really like it. I hope I can get it back.
We sang today at the P.X. and wow that was a flop. The people there were dead and we were dead and it was really no good. Brother B. had to really yell at us to get us going. We all thought about it pretty good because when we came back things were better.
Tonight we had a discussion with Frau Kranz again. She is real nice and fed us again. I don’t know but I sure wish we could reach her somehow.
I wrote my letters tonight, also. No P day this week.
December 6, 1975
I lost my umbrella. I talked to the member who does all our equipment and stuff but he hadn’t seen it so I guess I’m out of luck. That’s really too bad, too. I had really ought to kick myself but na, ya. It bugs me though when I can’t even keep track of my valuable stuff. I’ll be more careful.
Wow I had a great day with the GQ’s. I really felt good about the success I saw and the people I met. I felt the Spirit and this feeling of being happy and spreading it. It really works.
Tonight we ate at Sister Kuhnau’s. All six of us. It was not too bad. She fed us hamburgers and all kinds of candies. It was great. She is so good.
December 7, 1975
Today was Sunday. Fast Sunday. But because of the party with Sister Kuhnau we didn’t fast. Then we were going to fast today but Sabina invited us over for a party at her house. I don’t know when we are going to fast really. Maybe I will this weekend when President Wirthlin comes. It’s pretty bad when the Missionaries don’t even fast. Yesterday was kind of a shot day. We messed around at the party and afterward Elders Grey and Walton came home and we shot the breeze for a couple of hours. We talked about everything but I really wasn’t too interested. After a while I got up and started talking about my Dad’s stories and also some of the things we did in Executive Council. It was pretty weird. I exaggerated a little and we all really got into it and I felt pretty bad when I got done. You have to be so careful when you get 4 Elders together. First that party and now this gab session. I pretty well blew the whole day today.
December 8, 1975
I had a pretty good day today. A real good day. We went over to Elder Brunner’s about 8:30. He went into the hospital for an appendix operation. We gave him a blessing before he went in that everything would go well. He had trouble last week with his stomach and it turned out to be his appendix. It wasn’t real bad but he decided to get it taken out which is pretty smart. We took him to the hospital and got him all checked in. He is supposed to be there 10 days but I really can’t figure out why. We are hoping he will be out in 5 or 6. Anyway in the meantime Elder Hubrisch, his companion, is with us. We are now a drit. It’s really a lot of fun. It’s not too bad because of all the singing but it is still funny. We went and got a little cot from the Zone Leaders last night. It’s like a lawn chair that folds up. Elder Hubrisch gets it tonight – then I’m on tomorrow night. It looks like we are going to have a good 10 days together.
We went to a discussion last night. A guy by the name of Hohenester. Last time he was real good and I think with some time and real good teaching he could come along. Last time he had this girl there and I thought it was his Freundin. She acted like it. It was like they were married. Well this time there was another one there. She was about 30 but well dressed and not bad looking but she was weird. She kept putting her hands all over him. She couldn’t get enough. It was a terrible condition for a discussion, terrible. I’ve never been in a more difficult situation. She wasn’t all there, I don’t think. I’d look in her face and her eyes and she was either not all there or so one-minded about getting him she couldn’t think. It was weird. He must really be a playboy. I had so bad of feelings in that place I was glad when we got out. I hate to think what happened after we left.
December 9, 1975
Wow I am really feeling good. On my GQ’s I am finding a whole new way to do things. Instead of getting so deep with them I just ask them for their address. It really works because they then give us the chance to visit them. That’s what we want to do anyway so it just helps me. I really felt good today. 8 addresses today.
This morning we had a good companion study talking about the use of the discussions. It was really good. Then we talked about Baptismal Challenges. It was good. I like his drit stuff.
We had a good day. It was not too bad with 3. Na, ja.
December 10, 1975
Today was a real funny day. Wow did I learn a lot. We got up early and went to Elder Hubrisch’s apartment to shower. After that it was to Tiergarten where we practiced for our big concert for investigator Friday. Then it was off to Gedecknis to sing.
Before we started a guy came up and had a tape recorder and was asking our opinions about a sex shop across the street. Well, stupidly, several of us answered a few of our beliefs. And we just don’t do that. They can take that and use it and mar our name. It was really stupid to even open our mouths. At the time I even said something but now I wish I hadn’t. It gave us all a weird feeling. I didn’t like it at all. I was able to get 6 addresses today including one from Indianapolis, Wein, England, and Cello. It was neat.
Tonight we visited Elder Brunner. He is still in the hospital and will be for a week. He’s doing okay though.
We also had a talk with the Bishop as we had to drop by the chapel. He is really great. He told us how the stake might get 1,000 costumes from a Theater. What a Missionary tool. Choirs! Theater!
December 11, 1975
Today we were austausched with the Zone Leaders. I worked with Elder Steve Nye. He is really a great Elder. He is new here as Zone Leader. He has spent all the time until now in a dorf. We had a good day. Wow we sure bombed out with the Choir though. Not one address. That’s terrible. I guess we weren’t in it good enough. I’ll have to really work tomorrow. After we ate fried chicken by an American family. They were great. They had a cute kid too. A little blue-eyed girl. She is really a lot of fun. I can’t wait for my own little one-year old toddler. So neat.
I learned a lot from Elder Nye. He is a great Elder but he is shy. That’s no problem though. It just helps him. He is real humble and real honest and down to earth. A great Missionary. I am glad to have him for my Zone Leader and glad I got to work with him today.
December 12, 1975
Wow what a day. Today was a great experience. It started this morning as I started reading “The World’s Greatest Salesmans.” That was so good. I couldn’t believe all the good things I learned from it. I’m going to ask Mom to send one to me. It is all positive thinking and these ideas that the President keeps telling us about. I was born again today as I read that book. It was great. So much wisdom in one little book.
I love to read and every time I read something that touches me I just get the chills. I read the last chapter in this book I had tears in my eyes. It was so special. I am thankful I can read and enjoy it like I do.
December 12, 1975
The next thing that happened today of importance was our Concert. We sang at the P.X. but that wasn’t too big of a deal. At 4:00 we were at Tiergarten to practice for our Choir.
The Concert went so good. I have never felt the Spirit stronger for so long of a time as I did tonight. The Spirit was there. I could really feel it. We gave the members and investigators a good program but when Silent Night came we hit the last verse and there wasn’t a dry eye in the house. The Spirit of the Lord was there as we sang and it was there and touched those people who were listening. My emotions were so high. Tears were running down my face and my whole soul was filled with joy. It was a feeling I will never forget. If I can have the Spirit like that I will want to sing all of my life. I know that song is a beautiful and good way to praise the Lord. Tonight is going to be a very long remembered experience for me. It was beautiful. I hope and well I know that a lot of people were touched by the efforts of our little choir tonight. Elder Whitlock and Sister Young sang a great number, “O’ Holy Night’s Fantastic.”
As I think about tonight and my situation as a Missionary here in Germany I just can’t control my emotions and thank the Lord enough for all he has done for me. It is impossible. My heart is full as I look at the many blessings I have and the many opportunities I have awaiting me. I give thanks from my entire soul. I love the Lord and my Mission. I can’t express my feelings.
Saturday, December 13, 1975
We had a special meeting today with Elder Joseph Wirthlin. He was great. It was a very special meeting. He had Missionaries give some Spiritual experiences to start off the meeting and a couple of talks. Elder Brinton gave a fantastic talk in German on Baptism. It was great. I want to learn my German that good. After we had heard experiences and testimonies President Schwendiman’s wife talked and then Mrs. Wirthlin and then then the President. After which Elder Wirthlin talked. Neither one of them talked very long but it was good. It was just sort of a little psych up meeting. It was really great and I got a lot out of it. Elder Wirthlin said Sunday is a good day to Tract because the men are home. He gave us a lot of other good tips.
After the meeting we went over to the Europe Center where we were to sing. While we were singing Elder Wirthlin and President Schwendiman and their wives came to listen. They really enjoyed us.
It just so happened that I was on to ask golden questions while they were singing. I started asking and pretty soon noticed that the President and Elder Wirthlin were watching me. I was a little nervous but I did my best – not any different than I usually do. Afterward before they left Mrs. Schwendiman came up to me and paid me a very high compliment. She said, “Wow Elder Wirthlin was impressed. He said, ‘I don’t see how anyone can turn down that Elder.’” She said he was impressed. Wow did I feel great. I really do feel good about my GQ’s. I can really look people in the eye and show my love for them. Elder Wirthlin was impressed and I wow does that give me a lift. I can’t believe a general authority said that about me. Well enough big headedness. I want to do so good that the Prophet and the Lord himself will be proud of me. It’s a lot of work but that’s my goal. To be the Missionary the Lord wants me to be.
December 17, 1975
This week has really been weird. It’s been four days since I have written. I can always tell when I’m a little down because my diary passes, I can’t get up, and I love my desire to work. I have been up late everyday and it is really discouraging. We have been so busy this week that it’s just been a rough one. Mitzie sent me a great card. It really gave me a lift. She is so good for me. I really love and appreciate her. It really encourages me just to think about her and to realize what our possibilities are. She just helps me. I depend on her, and am thankful that she cares for me the way she does. I can’t wait to get transferred or turn Senior or something. I know that is a rotten attitude but I just have a hard time here. My companion and I get along well because I give a lot but have also commanded a lot of respect, but these are still all the things that bother me. I know they’re not right. Yesterday he made Sister Kuknau stand in the cold till the bus came by so she could give him his shawl that he forgot. I don’t know. Maybe I’ve failed in my companionship but he is sure hard to change and mainly what’s happened is I have come down to his level. I need to really work to become that Missionary I want to be.
December 19, 1975
It’s still morning but I am writing because of the way I feel. You know we are so weak or I am so weak. I learn something and then forget it or strive for righteousness and then forget it. Everyone has their ups and down but for me I can’t believe how they happen. It’s as though all I have learned is just thrown out the window. I have to be true to myself that’s one lesson I don’t forget – but it usually comes too late. Anyway I have to be true to myself to realize that the past few weeks my thoughts have let more and more kram in. While we were visiting President Brunner we had to walk down Potsdamer Street and walk past all the sex shops and pictures, etc. The whores were all there lined up on the sidewalk. It makes me sick. But just my being there got my mind working. I need to kick all the crap out of my mind. We don’t have to go there anymore that’s a blessing but I can still feel it. Oh, wretched soul that I am, I need to remember God in all my weakness. We all have our ups and down but the thing is too often we forget the most important things. Our dependence on the Lord, our own nothingness, the things we owe him, etc. We need to develop our faith in Christ and make the atonement workable in our lives. I was down and I forgot these things. When temptations come over me I need to show my faith and exercise my faith. I am weak sometimes and need to learn to understand the workings of the Spirit and have it with me. Spirituality is perishable and mine has really gone down these last 2 months. I have felt it a lot of times but I need to learn to have it with me always. I need to grow and more important after I have grown to learn to not fall back. That’s why I am starting to fast. Today I am not going to eat or drink a drop. Maybe tomorrow too, but I need to do some repenting and get myself back to where the Lord would have me.
Well I’m home again. I didn’t get to fast all day because we had to go to Ewe Kuhnau’s Birthday Party. I couldn’t offend them because they had made so much and everything. I had a great fast and a fantastic day also. I think I was able to get 11 addresses today. It was a great feeling. I feel close to the Lord but I also feel my weaknesses pulling me down. I love this Mission and what it means to me. I love all the opportunities I have and even though I fall once in a while I will overcome and be that Knight I can see before me. Our weaknesses will become strong points. I pray to God for his help and guidance.
December 20, 1975
Today we sang early at some Weinachtmart in Marindorf. It was just an old Market but I was really feeling good and was able to get several addresses. Usually if someone says no once you won’t ever be able to get their address but I met a young couple this morning and he plain told me no, but after I talked for a few minutes he finally gave in. It was great. The Spirit was really there. This address deal all depends on your attitude – even the crankiest old man can tell if you really love him – and your diligence – the more people you ask the more better your odds are for success.
This afternoon was our Christmas party at the Gemeinde. We really had a good time. We sang a Melody of Give Said the Little Stream. It was really fun. The ward members loved it. We have two girls that have been coming regular for a couple of times anyway. They were also here tonight but they came late. I think they enjoyed it anyway. It was a lot of fun.
After our own party it was off to Dahlem. There we had another party for all the Missionaries. It was a lot of fun too. We didn’t stay too long but instead went bowling. It was fun but I sure feel funny doing things like that. I was hot, I bowled 136 and 175 and unlike the Missionaries should we were betting on the games. Winners didn’t pay. I didn’t pay. Na, ja, it was really that big of a deal for me. I’d almost rather study than bowl.
I can remember last Christmas. Mitzie was going to school in Salt Lake and she had one week off. The last night of the Holiday before she had to go back on the bus Ron Caplin had a party. It was a fun party but we really were just two people among all those. I remember we didn’t say much because we both knew our time together wasn’t much. We just were together and it was special. That was a year ago. My life has sure changed since then, but that was a special experience.
December 21, 1975
I want to try and express myself if I can. Today I fasted again for 24 hours. I fasted Friday too. I have just felt so Spiritually down lately. Like I wrote a few days ago I can just feel my weaknesses taking over more than it should. It was a very special day. I went with Elder Grey and Elder Walton to their wohnung between church because Elder Jones went to Dahlem. That was a mess. Anyway my day was really climaxed in Sacrament Meeting. It was so good. My eyes were watering more than once. The Spirit was really with me. I was really touched. Brother Zambrisky talked about how he thought church without kids was like the forest without the bride. The Bishop was having trouble with his kids too and I saw his love, and concern as he took one out. It just killed him to see his child make noise but then he loved him so much he just wanted him to be good. I don’t think any even noticed except me but I was really touched. These two men are great Spiritual men. You find them all over the church – but I really appreciate them and realize what great company I have in the Lord’s gospel. I am truly blessed.
December 22, 1975
We blew it today. We were supposed to leave early to get our wash done but we didn’t so we were all morning doing that. Not too good.
I got some great mail today! First Mitzie sent a tape, for Christmas, and some conference talk outlines and also a letter. She learned about lusting in Institute. It’s a great letter and now she is realizing a lot of things. I wrote back and we’ll talk things through. My family also sent a beautiful letter. They all wrote including Richard, signed Dad. I was really touched. The whole thing was so special. Marcia is really growing up Spiritually too. It was just all great. I love my family more than anything except the Gospel. I’m glad they go together.
December 23, 1975
This morning they filmed us at Rathaus Schoneberg to be on TV. All over Berlin we are going to be on the Tageschau. That’s a special interest news program sort of deal. It should be really great. We were all so nervous being filmed and everything. It should be quite a thing – I just can’t wait to see it.
We sang there in the morning and then at the Forum in the afternoon. It was okay but I didn’t work as good as I should have. I can always tell how I’m doing. If I’m putting forth my best efforts and really want to help them the Spirit is with me and I can reach people even uninterested ones sometimes. But when I just do it to be doing it then they can see that or feel it or something and nothing happens. I have to always work for and have that Spirit and then the Spirit of the Lord is there too.
I can’t believe tomorrow is Christmas Eve. These next few Christmas days are going to be so full of eating appointments and parties and junk. I really can’t believe it. I don’t know if I’ll have time to write in this for a few days but I’ll try.
Lots of things are coming!
December 24, 1975
Christmas Eve! It has come so fast it is just really hard to believe. Tonight we were with Sister Knaetsch. She is so neat. There were 5 of us Elders there and the two Sisters (Shirley and Young). We had a great time together. First we ate a fantastic Turkey dinner and then sang songs and told stories. Sister Knaetsch told a few stories of living in the cold mountains of Southern Germany. I even told a story that Grandpa told me once about winter in Pine Valley. It was a very wonderful evening.
After a fine evening we talked Sister Knaetsch and Kungel to come with us to a Catholic Mass. It was something else. I couldn’t really believe all the nonsense that went on. There are a lot of good people that are getting misled, I think. I wish I could just reach them – I know with the Lord’s help I will be able to.
After the Mass we were going to try and go back to Sister Knaetsch’s for ice cream but after starting we realized it was too late. The Bahn’s were slow and Elders Walton and Grey had to sleep with the other two Elders there on the floor. All in all it was a very beautiful evening. One I’ll never forget.
December 25, 1975
Christmas Day! I was up and had all my presents opened in good time. I really made a good haul. For being 6-7 thousand miles from home my family sure takes good care of me. I was a little sad today that I couldn’t be with them but I knew I wouldn’t be and my attitude was real good (and Missionary oriented) and I just didn’t get at all homesick. I really love them and all but I love what I’m doing and where I’m at and I don’t want anything else. The Lord is really blessing me. Elder Brunner was here with us and it was just really a special Christmas Morning for me. Later we played Basketball and ate at Sister Melzer’s. Veal! Wow. Tonight we had a party with our District and a few from Dahlem. It was great.
All in all it was a very Special Christmas for me. I had trouble getting the true Spirit of Christmas just like everyone does because of all the parties but I could really feel it in a better way this year. I love Christ, and his birth is a special time and I’m glad I can serve him at this special time.
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| Sister Grau, Me, Nohendorf, Kunzel |
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| Back row: L to R. Sister Grua, ? Front L to R. Sister Knaetsch; Herman, Noledorf, and Kunzel, |
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| Sister Kuhnau |
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| A Christmas dinner |
December 26, 1975
December 26, 1975 – Michelle is 18 today. If she was here in Germany that would be too bad because it is the second day of Christmas here. Today was a great day. First we ate Goose with Sister Kuhnau. She is so good. We were late and I guess things were a little burned. I felt so bad but it didn’t seem to bother my comp. Oh, well that’s something I can work on when I am a Senior. It was a great meal. Later we had coffee and kuchen with her family. Her daughters are a little bit wild and the guys they married are real clods. She’s great but her family, I just hope and pray for them.
Right we stuffed ourselves there then it was on to Sister Kungel’s for another big dinner. There we had ham but I couldn’t eat that much because of what I had just eaten. I was stuffed! Wow! We started a big Risk game right after that. I lost in a quick hour so I went into the kitchen with Sister Knaetsch and Kungel. We had a wonderful talk together. It was really neat. Just me and those two while the others were still playing. I told them about my family and my life a little and we talked about the Church, etc. Then Sister Knaetsch talked a little about the war and how she about went into the Concentration camps. Twice! Once because she wouldn’t teach the Children the commercial side of Christmas. She was a teacher of Kinder Garten. And one night in an Air Raid she got them all out of the school and into a tunnel through the fire and battle. She saved 350 kids. So the Stadt wanted to give her a medal. She bluntly told them that she didn’t do it for a medal and didn’t really want it. Wow, an insult or so they thought. She was then supposedly to be taken the next morning at 8:00 to a Concentration Camp. But that night the war was so bad that the officials never got around to getting her. It was really a tender story. I had a wonderful talk with those 2 ladies. That talk was probably a highlight of my Christmas. I love them both.
December 27, 1975
Today we blew the whole day. We got up late, the other Elders came over and we played Risk and then went to a baptism. After which we saw ourselves on T.V. Our Choir was on the Tageshan! We dropped in on Sister Kuhnau unexpected for that. Then it was bowling and out to dinner. Pizza. And then late again. It was a pretty weird day. I really didn’t have very much fun. I was just wasting time.
December 28, 1975
I was supposed to give a Talk today in Church but I found out that that was off because they already had another program. I guess that means next week if I’m still here. We have had Elder Brunner with us for the last while. This drit (threesome) bit is a bite. We took him to Dahlem to the Zone Leaders this afternoon. He and Sister Young have something going. It is really weird but apparently it’s been happening for a while and they are serious about it. Na, ya, I really don’t believe it’s that deep but I talked to Sister Young and she said it was. It will be interesting to see how things turn out. Na, ya, mel schen. Tonight it was another game of Risk at Elder Hubrisch’s. I am so sick of playing I could die. I just studied.
December 29, 1975
What another wasted day! This is the biggest party I have ever seen. We went and took pictures all morning and then went to Behringer’s with Elder Brunner. After that it was messing around again with getting Elder Brunner’s junk together and over to the Zone Leaders. We are really having a hard time getting all his things together. He goes at his own convenience. Later Elder McCowin came with the Assistants and he and I austausched for a few hours this evening. We had a good talk. He told me all about the office. Wow. I don’t know about all that!
DAVY B and the MINI TABS!
Back row (left to right) Elders Page, Smouse, Ceslack, Hill, Rogers, Bird Hanrion, Munz, Tingey, Jewell, Reichman, Blaine, Roper, Muhleman, Wright.
Middle row (left to right) Elders Galt, Elsworth, Hubrich, Hahn, Jones, Sisters Young, Shireley, Elders Ingersoll, Brinton, Nye, Whitlock. (Elder Walton – behind E.B.’s head.)
Front row (left to right) Elders Russet, Stephens, Chadwick, Peterson, Sisters Smith, Miles, Elders Grasshof, Neslen, Nielson, Burbank, Hansen.
Front leading Elder David Breitenbeker
This is the 1975 Berlin Choir. It was quite an experience to be able to travel
Around and sing with this fine group of Missionaries. I learned a lot. We were able to
meet a lot of people and bring our Spirit to the people of Berlin. I am very thankful I
havehad this opportunity.
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| My favorite Choir Picture |
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| The Spandau Crew old and New L to R. Hill, Elsworth, Reichman, Rogers, Cieslack, Peterson |
(This is a note pasted in my journal form Elder Britenbeker, the choir director.)
Elder Rogers,
Na, Kleenen – I’ll never forget the feelings I had when the Spirit was burning and Ilooked
back on that back row and saw you with tears in your eyes. You’re special to me
and always will be.
Please stay in contact.
Have a Merry Xmas
and thanks again
Elder B.
I just wanted to paste this in and try and write a few words about Elder Breitenbeker. I remember when he stepped off the train there at Zoo. A big smile. That’s what’s so great about him. He is always smiling and always happy. It makes you feel good to be around him. We had a special relationship. As he would lead he knew he could depend on me to be singing hard and smiling and it really was an incentive for me to do that every time he looked my way. He did a fantastic job leading us and making our Choir the Missionary tool it was. He gave me this note in a Christmas stocking on the 24th. He is a special guy, and another eternal friendship for me.
Today was Zone Conference. It was real good except that it was both Zones together and we didn’t get to have the time we wanted talking to the President. It was a great conference though. The Americans fixed a fantastic Turkey Dinner. It was real American with the trimmings, including Dixie Salad! It was great.
In the conference the President talked about a lot of things. He talked about reaching these goals the Prophet has given us. He gave us a little key in goal setting and told us to realize that our goals should be all reaching. That means instead of making our goal teaching a great F discussion we should consider that goal only a step in the overall picture in reaching the overall goal of bringing that person into the Church. It’s a concept that I think will be a great factor in our effectiveness if learned. It goes with this idea of bending every fiber, every ounce of strength, every talent ability and effort, and every thought in working for the Lord to baptize those people he has ready for us. I can feel this. I am learning more and more the meaning of it. I know what the President is talking about and I can’t wait to get on it. That’s why I want this Holiday Season to hurry and get over with so we can get back on the work. I want to Baptize a Golden family so bad! If I can just find one young man and his wife that accepts the Gospel and feel the way I do about life it will be worth it. I know the Lord will bless me. I want to be strong. I will be strong! I will exercise my faith and be humble and ask for the Lord’s direction and be the tool that he needs to bring about his desires. These are righteous desires. I know the Lord will bless me that I can fulfill these righteous desires of my heart. Today was a good day and a Great Zone Conference and I feel the strength flow in me as I prepare to meet this new year fighting for truth.
December 31, 1975 (Written January 2, 1976)
Well, the party continues. This morning we went shopping for our District Party tomorrow. We are going to make hamburgers and the whole works for our Party tomorrow. After we got done there we went up town and saw a Movie. “Nobody ist der Groster.”(a Trinity series Western) It was good and unlike that stupid one we saw a month ago it was clean. I was glad. I think you can lose your Spirit faster than anything if you go see a Movie. They just don’t do anything for me. I think back on Scott Seegmiller’s cousin down in Mesa. He was so weird and for being a returned missionary I couldn’t believe him. But as it turned out he had seen 2 or 3 movies a week on his Mission. To me that explained it. Na, ya, I’ll probably never go as Senior.
After that we went to Sister Knaetche’s for a Sylvester Party. She had a whole bowl of Potato Salad and a pot of wurst waiting for us. She is fantastic! I can’t wait to find my Golden Oma like that. She is just really one of the neatest people I have met. She and I have a special relationship going. She told me she thought I was special and not just the ordinary Missionary. Well IT really touched me and I realize things better. I’m more aware of what we as Missionaries should be, especially to the members. Too many times Missionaries take advantage of them and talk English and etc., etc. Sister Knaetsche is a fantastic Member and I appreciate very much the opportunity she has given me to see these things better and to realize what is going on better. (Later at 12:00 we had a party with fireworks – the works!)
As this New Year ends I am so thankful for the many, many wonderful blessings that I have and the many opportunities I enjoy. This Mission is the most beautiful experience I have ever had. I love every minute of it and I thank the Lord for calling me. If I can learn all the principles that I should in these two years it will guide my whole life back to God. That’s what I want. It starts here. I’m dedicating my life to the Lord and this year, 1976, to his work as a Missionary.
January 1, 1976
I decided to change colors of ink because of the New Year and because my black pens don’t write very good anyway. This will start a new chapter for me and that’s what I want.
We had a party today at the Church. It’s the last one luckily. Elder Grey and I went during the party to pick up his new companion, my new District Leader Elder Pickett from California. He seems to be a real top Elder and I hope to be able to work with him and learn a lot from him. He has a good balance of dedication and cheerfulness. He’ll be great.
At this time of year we are all caught up in meditating our situations and setting some plans and goals in the year to come. I have been doing a lot of thinking about my present situation and have come to several conclusions. I realize first of all how inadequate and small I am compared to so many things. I am just a child. I am learning and growing at a very fast rate but I am still only a child. I realize my dependency upon the Lord and his Holy Spirit that leads me in my daily efforts. As this next year starts I hope more than anything else to be able to keep the Spirit with me in all my doings. There is one more very important fact that I have learned in the last little while and that is the fact that I am me, Elder Jeff Rogers , and no one else is like me or even thinks like me. The things that are important to me might not even interest other people. I will set me goals for me and be myself in doing it. It’s really funny but I think I am blessed in many ways in this area. Things that are important to me and that I strive after are sometimes not even understood let alone important to my companions and associates. I just hope and pray that these ideals and goals are in keeping with what the Lord would have me do and I believe they are. I thank the Lord for giving me my abilities and insights and want to work and progress according to myself and my personal
Progression and not worry about other men. In fact that’s a goal I set for myself a long time ago.
Here are a few of the goals I have set for myself this year. They are not necessarily in order of importance.
1. First of all I am dedicating my life to the Lord not only this year but all the rest of my Life. This year I am dedicating totally to the Missionary work but from today on I am also dedicating my whole life. This is just a reminder to the dedications I made in the Temple.
2. This year I am going to become fluent in the German language.
3. I am going to have a working knowledge of the Gospel by mastering the discussions and making them a working part of my mind.
4. I am going to be true to myself in everything I do and make this an eternal part of my character. Under this includes loving myself, being honest in all my dealings with myself and men, and becoming more Godlike.
5. This year I am going to try and work harder to develop my personal relationship with the Lord. To bend my will to the Lord’s will and make the righteous desires of my heart his joy.
6. This year I am going to keep myself completely clean and virtuous in body and mind to be able to have the Holy Ghost as my constant companion. To always live worthy of the Priesthood I hold.
7. I will make it my goal to love all men, and pray to the Lord for a kind heart. I will strive to learn the meaning of love they neighbor.
Some of these goals I have already had before but they are still my goals and I think I will list them with these new ones.
I will strive never to compare myself with other men. I will pray to always keep myself from judging other men. I want to strive to make myself what I should be and compare my achievements only with the achievements I made yesterday. Personal progress, me compared to me.
8. I will make it a goal to never find fault in others. This is a tough goal to live but it is an eternal principle: Judge that ye be not judged. So as I go down life’s highway I want to make it a habit to never find fault in my associates. We all have our weaknesses but the Lord will know them and we don’t need to put ourselves above others.
9. This goes along with my last goal but I will never complain again either. This will also be a lifelong goal and one hard to realize, but this is just a part of the attitude I want to have. To always look for the good in people and the good in life and adopt an attitude of cheery success and happiness. I think this goal is a key to happiness.
10. I want to make my companions the very best Missionaries in the Mission. That means doing everything in my power to make sure they succeed and develop and keep strong testimonies.
11. As I turn Senior I want to take this as my most important calling. To realize that as Senior I become responsible for not only myself and my junior companion but the people I teach or could have taught as well.
12. I am making it a goal that if I ever get a Golden and we have someone ready to baptize that he will do it. This will not only help me love him more and show my unselfishness but give him a beautiful start on his Mission.
13. I want to make it my goal to be humble. It’s so important that if this is all I can do it will be enough. I want to be humble and realize that all my doings are for the Lord. I want to baptize people but not for myself and my glory, but for the Lord’s and for the eternal salvation of those persons. I hope and pray for humility.
14. I want to study the scriptures and I make it my goal to develop my Spirituality through reading, pondering and learning the scriptures as part of my life.
15. I want to develop my mind and understanding to its potential. I want to possess the ability especially mentally and spiritually to be able to accept and accomplish any assignment, position, or task the Lord gives me. At the same time I want to never aspire to any position but do the best I can in the calling that I am called to do.
16. I will make it my goal to study better. To study to learn. To plan my study and work out things for a reason.
17. I will make good use of my time. I will not procrastinate. I have 16 months left and I will use every minute to the best of my ability.
18. I will make it my goal to live all the Mission Rules to the best of my ability. To obey with exactness. Especially in the areas of “quiet dignity”, loud speaking, boisterousness, etc. I will be happy but not overdo.
19. I will try to keep myself physically fit. In doing this I want to realize my body is a temple and that in order to be the Missionary I know I should be I need to be physically strong.
20. I want to learn to become more aware of others feelings. I will make it my goal to try and understand people better and become just more aware of life, in all its aspects, around me.
21. I am making it a goal to lose myself in the work. To devote every talent, ability and strength I possess to the work this year.
22. I am making it a goal to have more Faith. To understand its power and try to exercise my faith and grow and develop in this area.
23. I want to strive for perfection in all my efforts. To strain my potential until it cries out for relief. To keep my goals high and making progress. To become perfect, even as God. Matthew 5:48.
24. *I make it my goal to baptize 7 people in my Mission, at least. This may seem like a funny goal but I believe that if I humble myself and work as hard as I can and be the pliable tool that the Lord is looking for he will bless me and together we will accomplish this goal. I set this goal in an effort to bend my efforts towards his will. The righteous desires of my heart. If my faith is strong enough and I work hard enough and keep myself worthy I believe that sometime between now and when I leave I will have the privilege of reaching this goal. I believe this is what the Lord wants of me.
In this group of people I believe is a family. Somewhere here in North Germany is a family waiting for the truth. I want to find them.
This is quite a list of goals I have set for myself. Some are short term but most are long term life-time goals. As I grow mentally and physically I realize so many things that I had never dreamed about before. These character goals that I’ve set are in realization of this growth. I can see my life spread out before me and I know that it is in such character traits that we possess wealth. Am I really gaining anything if I don’t develop these ideals in life? I don’t believe so. That’s why I am starting now in my thinking process, in my growth process to understand and master these traits while in my youth. Some of these goals will be things I will work on all my life, but I know them to be good and eternal principles so I want to work on them now.
When I think of how blessed I am it boggles my mind. To know the things I know and possess the abilities and capabilities that I possess are reasons enough for eternal gratitude. Going on and realizing all the opportunities I have and have had, all the experiences I’ve been blessed with, all the people that have influenced me, and all the joys in life that are mine to be had my soul is amazed. I thank the Lord for all the things he has blessed me with. For life, for my fine parents, for his church, for the gospel, and especially for the knowledge that I know who I am and that I can go back someday to live with him. My soul will be ever grateful also, for Jesus Christ who has made all this possible for me and countless others.
It is for these reasons that I have set these goals today. I pray to God that he will bless me with the strength, courage, and ability to reach these goals. I acknowledge my dependency to him and recognize his hand in all things. It truly amazes me. These are the desires of my heart and my prayer in the name of Jesus Christ. Amen.
Today was preparation day. The first good complete one we have had in about 3 months. In fact the last complete preparation day I had was the 10th of October. We got up late because we are so dead. I wrote for 3 hours on two letters. One to the family and one to Mitzie. There were both good letters. Books. It’s so hard for me to express myself in less than 2 hours. If I could just sit down and tell things over with them then it would be okay but that would be a long time from now. I will keep trying to get things in order. It’s important to let them know how I feel.
After we blew most of the day we went to Sister Kuchnau’s. We blew the evening with her. We watched Star Trek auf English. It was so good but we shouldn’t have spent so much time there.
January 3, 1976
Today I was on and I wanted to get a good day in but it just didn’t work out that way. We worked on stuff in the morning and then went to a baptism. Elder Hakovitz, an Austrian, baptized Gabi, Elder Shumway’s investigator. Finally baptized her. She is going to be a great member.
The afternoon was spent at Sister Untermans. Wow she has really got some problems. She works all night. Her divorced husband spent the holidays with her because he had drunken himself out of money and didn’t have anywhere else to go. It’s a sad story.
Today was kind of a bad day. We didn’t get much done like I wanted to and we couldn’t do much for Sister Unterman except invite her to church; but we went to Priesthood Meeting tonight and saw that film where the two Mexican guys get shot. It touched me, wow, I was crying the whole time. I love the church and will fight to the end.
January 4, 1976
Today was a great day. I got up at 6:00, got some good studying done and felt great. I am getting back to where I want to be. It feels good. I want to do my best. I want to be a fantastic Missionary. I feel I am a good Missionary right now, but good isn’t good enough for me. Getting up, studying, and a desire to do more are all parts of it; feels good to be back to my normal again.
We had two girls in church. They are different than the other 2 girls we had a couple of weeks ago. These are really foxy and know it and I think just come for the chance to see us Missionaries. This week they seemed pretty good. They are making progress. I hope they really can come along. If they do we’ll have to check all Missionaries coming into Lankwitz because they are a little wild.
Elder Pickett taught the investigator class and did a great job. I wanted to. My German isn’t as good as his but I feel I could have done a pretty good job too. With the discussions it’s not hard at all. All the other Elders were amazed but it was just an elaborated “F” & “C” discussion with a little “D” & “I” thrown in. It was good, but if we know our DISCOS it is no problem. Elder Pickett is good. I really like him. When I’m 18 months out, I want to be able to be every bit as good or better. I think I will be able to, too.
This afternoon was quiet. It was fast Sunday and we had lots of time. It was at this time that I wrote the goals on the preceding pages. I had a very special time just reviewing and contemplating my situation. It feels so good to have some sights to shoot for. I felt close to the Lord as I set these goals and was able to rededicate myself to the work. I listened also to a talk given by President Schwendiman at the Keil Zone Conference last summer. It was about teaching and how we can teach only what we are. It was good. I had a good day and feel ready for the week now. Fast days are beautiful days!
January 5, 1976
We worked today. Felt so good. I was on and we spent the whole day looking up referrals and really working. My legs were really tired when we got home tonight. It’s been so long since we have put in a good day like today. I can’t believe it. Now that we have full days again we are really going to get some work done.
I have a goal to make 10 appointments today. That was pretty high. Probably a little too high but we did make several appointments which is better than most do in a day. The thing is I could have made a few more on the phone and probably should have but I sort of lost the vision. Wow I was so dead. But I would rather have high goals and fall short than mess around with easy things. We made 4 appointments and that isn’t bad. I sort of lost the vision but with a little more effort I could probably have made 2 or 3 more on the phone which would have put it up there 6 or 9 just short of our goal – where we wanted to be. Next time I do it. I’m learning. High goals – high accomplishments. Tomorrow is another day. We’ll do better. For as David O. McKay has said,
“Do your best this hour and you will do better the next.”
January 6, 1976
I had a bad start this morning. I was up at 7:00. Just a little late. Probably because we worked so hard yesterday. Today we had quite an experience. We walked in on Herr Kutschmau and he had two JW’s there with him. He invited us in and things started happening. The first thing they did was start with Revelations 22:18, 19. I tried to explain things a little and did a pretty good job but it was useless. They have their opinions and we have ours. I can pull out scriptures all day but that doesn’t solve anything. I bore my testimony and really felt the power and Spirit as I did so. But they didn’t feel it. It was a pretty sad scene in front of our investigator. Anyway they invited us back next week. She is going to bring her son with her and really have a battle with us. That’s NOT what we are going to do. We are going to go in there humbly, tell our message, bear our testimony and leave. Not what they want but I think what the Lord wants.
We ate with MUTTI ZEIDEL. She is really great but I shouldn’t say this (write this) but she lets to much kram go. Der Bruder Grey was wicklich ein bangel. I couldn’t believe his behavior. Na, ja, I’m just not used to that. I don’t want to ever get that way. That just shows childishness. Things will change.
January 7, 1976
Today we started a new deal. We got up early and went GQing. The idea is that we get up early and try and find fathers. That is tough. I bet I asked 40 or 50 guys today and got 2 addresses. It was sure a lot easier with the Choir. But – with this system we can really make better use of our time. We can get 10-12 hours a day getting up a little earlier true but it really works. While I think of this method I can see whole new areas opening up. I tried to figure out what it takes to really put your all into something and I can see some beautiful possibilities. It’s hard to do – but that one father out of 500 golden questions is going to be baptized – with his family. I think of the words of Elder Wirthlin. He said the top baptizers in the Swiss Mission are doing this. These words are going around in my head. I really like this idea and I’ll have to think about when I turn Senior.
It was a good day. We ate with Sister Knaetsch for breakfast and then again with Sister Kuhnau in the evening. We also visited Sister Kruger. It was a good day. I want to write just a little about Elder Jones and I. We have really come a long way. This Mission is tough and he’s had some hard times but I feel real good about the friendship and companionship we have developed. I know the Lord has really blessed us.
January 8, 1976
Wow, I’m sick. Today we had these eating appointments. Breakfast with Sister Werner, Dinner with Sister Kungel. She fixed us Rabbit – Jack-Rabbit. I wasn’t really turned on by it but I guess it wasn’t bad. Then this evening we had a big dinner again at Frau Krang’s. She is really nice to us. I was so sick I couldn’t believe it. I just about couldn’t eat it. Really. My body just said no. I think I’ll fast all day tomorrow. I need it. I invited Frau Kranz to come to church this week. I have a talk this week. I’m real scared but I think it will be a great opportunity. I will need a lot of the Lord’s help though. I am hoping that and praying that she will come and be touched by our Spirit. I really would like to have her come. She is great.
We had a discussion bei a Frau Kunert tonight. It was really something else. She lives with guy, they have a child, they are not married, etc., etc. She wasn’t dressed very good and the whole situation wasn’t very good. She wants to find something but she doesn’t want to put herself out. She is just unbelieving. I wish I could help her. She is nice.
Today we had to go to the place on Koch Street where you get your Arferhaeltserlaubnis. (Permits to stay in Germany). I have mine so I just sat and read. I was really touched by the Spirit as I read the stories. One thought really touched me. And that is – “People change.” When these Spiritual things are concerned and people accept Jesus as their Savior – they change. It’s beautiful.
January 9, 1976
Today was a wasted day. We got up early and got our washing done – that was good. We went to the Stake Center to play basketball. I took a good shower and then went in and made a couple of tapes. I made one for Mitzie and then one for my family. I did a good job on them and I think they’ll like them. After that we went looking for cameras for Elder Whitlock. We wasted a lot of time. Tonight was better. Es geht.
January 10, 1976
We didn’t do one thing today. We got up late, left about noon and did a little shopping and then came back for the afternoon upon which we finally left, saw a Baptism and came home. What a day. I really don’t see how us Missionaries of the Lord with so little time you can waste whole days. We just did. Elder Jones was “on” of course but today I didn’t say much. It drives me up a wall but unless I get on him and just tell him everything to do nothing gets done. Now that’s a terrible attitude and I’ll have to work on it. I need to always be pleasantly persistent that we get out and on the work. It’s just real hard to him, that’s all. He is a great Elder but lacks desire. Maybe I can help him but he’s got to try too.
Today I read some interesting articles by my companion’s LTM teacher, Brother Wanvelnitz. One was on books and studying, another on Abraham, and the last on Christ. They were all three good but especially the one on Christ – you can’t take for truth. It’s from the Apocrypha and other sources but some of the principles are really great. I was really touched by a number of things there. I wrote down some of my feelings but I’ll have to read them again and again. They were really great and I really enjoy learning more and studying about them. I thought it was interesting what the article titled “Studium” said about writing. It said if you could write anything then it was alive and important. I guess that’s why it’s so important for me to keep this journal. It records my feelings and trials and especially growth in this very wonderful period of my life. This book is priceless. If I had a choice of only one book that I could have it would have to be this one – because this is my record, my book, my life.
I was able to go to another Baptism tonight. Two people out of the Dahlen Gemeinde were baptized. It was real good. I feel I need to work on my German more because even though I can speak pretty good I don’t feel confident in it. I have to give a talk tomorrow and I know my German could be better. Na, ja, I’ll work hard to get that confidence I want.
January 11, 1976
Today was a great day. I finally gave my talk in Church. It was quite an experience. I fasted all day and really asked for the Lord’s help. I really felt the Spirit as I gave it. I was really tickled my grammar and gender and the endings. My conjugations and sentence structure sometimes was lacking but I felt real good about it. The Lord really blessed me. I really felt close to him today. We were supposed to meet a lady there in front of the Chapel to teach her today but she never came. I was waiting for her so I went out in the chilly air with just my suit and had a good little talk to the Lord. I just paced up and down the sidewalk praying out loud. I really felt close to the Lord. The Spirit touched me several times. Lately I have really been close to the Lord and I am so thankful for the things he has blessed me with. I felt like my German needs a lot of work but I felt good about the talk I gave – real good and I thank the Lord.
January 12, 1976
Today was another one of our good days. We went to Sister Kuhman’s (of course we were late – and the breakfast was already ready) first thing for a Member Missionary program. It went well. She is so special I know she was led to the Missionaries or they to her. I really have never met anyone like her. She worries about the smallest things it’s so neat. Too many of us go through life with no concern for others the way she does. I want to develop mine a little more. BE MORE CONCERNED FOR OTHERS.
The rest of the day was spent at Elder Hubrisch’s apartment. He was sick and they had stuff to do so I stayed home with him while Elders Jones and Thornock went and dinked around. I studied, listened to John Denver and slept. Not too exciting but it was a good afternoon. Elder Hubrisch is a great Elder. He gets along with everyone. We are good buds.
January 13, 1976
Today has been quite an experience for me. This morning we had that discussion with Brother Kretchma, and the Jehovah Witnesses. Elder Jones and I had it planned out to play “Profile of a Prophet” by Elder Hugh B. Brown and bear testimony – but it didn’t work that way. Elder Roper and Elder Wright were there also and Elder Roper was there to battle it out. My heart sank in as I walked into the room. There was Elder Roper sitting there on his couch with English and German Scriptures and other books and notes and the whole works ready to Bible Schlag. The JW was there with his stack of books including the Book of Mormon and my heart sank. I sat down and we started. We started with prayer and I luckily was able to say it. Then Elder Roper started in. He was attacking the God Jehovah concept. I asked him in English if we shouldn’t do it with the tape and testimony and he said he could handle it. Wow. I just sat back and watched an hour and a half of the most interesting discussing of Gospel principles I have ever seen. Elders Roper and Jones really tried to present our view. Elder Roper’s arguments were good but let’s face it that J.W. guy knew his stuff and he was good. They have an answer for everything. I really had to admire his techniques and knowledge. In his way he was a real warrior. He blew holes through Elder Roper left and right. I sat and cringed. Let’s face it we might be good but that’s all they do is bible schlag. I knew those scriptures as good or better as Elder Roper and I listened to their logic and I don’t believe this line of Bidl – but the point is we can’t prove nothing by fighting it out. He was even more courteous and patient. Elder Roper was really rude a couple of times and Elder Jones flew off the handle. It was quite comical. I just sat there and looked in as an observer. My feelings were really ripped. All I could see was 2 Elders trying to show everyone their brains. They did a good job and I was trying to support them but to me the whole principle was wrong. It was a pride deal. All I said the whole time was at the very end I bore my testimony. And then I asked Herr Haupt to bear his. He battered around a little and so I asked him if he knew it was true. He said yes, sheepishly. I said good – and then told him to never lose that because it is precious. I felt good about that and felt I had done my job.
After we got out we started talking it over. I couldn’t believe it but the other 3 all felt good. I felt so crappy. I thought the Lord was really disappointed and still do but they just couldn’t understand. Next week we are going back again – this time over the Book of Mormon. I can see the same thing happen again. We can pull out John 10:16 and “reading a closed book” and all the revelations but it isn’t going to do any good. When we fight over scriptures back and forth the Spirit isn’t there. I told all my feelings to the other Elders but they just don’t understand.
Okay here’s my point. I feel that the Lord would rather have us go in with testimonies and forget all the other stuff. I can fight with scriptures as good or better than most but our sword is the Spirit. Nobody understands. I can’t explain it but I am alone. The Lord is my witness but I was dying in that room today as I saw 3 (mainly 2) Elders make fools of themselves. They’re going to do the same things next week. I’m not putting myself above them but I honestly believe that they haven’t quite caught the vision in this matter. I love them and support them but still I am alone. The Lord knows how I feel. This happens so often. Today we were at Mutti Zeitels and the other Elders were really rude. I was dying inside. I didn’t say anything and I’m not putting myself above them or being a goodie-goodie but I just feel it so strong. I really feel close to the Lord. I know he is leading me and guiding me and I feel so out of place with these other Elders sometimes. I’m just different. I can see farther or something but it separates me. I’m not any better or don’t put myself forth as such but inside I know who I am and what’s going on. Sometimes other people just can’t see the way I do. I hope and pray that my opinions don’t come out on people because everyone is entitled to their own but I realize a lot of Missionaries just don’t ever catch it. I can’t ever say this to anyone but the Lord knows how I feel and when I get married my wife will be my comfort when I feel this way but it’s just so. I love this deep understanding and meaning I am learning in things and myself and I know the things I feel. I also know one other thing that is special just like my testimony and that is that the Spirit is leading me. These feelings I’m having are not wrong. That does not mean other people are doing it wrong, they may not understand it yet and they act on their understanding.
I have different feelings than a lot of Elders but deep inside the Spirit is telling me that I am not wrong.
I read another book called Anxiously Engaged by Paul H. Dunn. I was really impressed by the many thoughts and ideas he puts forth. They were really great and I feel close to the ideals. It talks about a philosophy of life. I realize so many things as I grow in the understanding of the Gospel. I am really working hard and have an undying thirst for knowledge and light. I am growing and really feel it. As I learn more and more my eyes get wider and wider. I’m getting quieter and am finally learning to be humbler and not spout of my mind every time I think I know something. My wisdom is deepening, my self-control is strengthening and I am changing inside. In the appearance of men (like I used to strive for) I am getting duller or less flashy – but in reality I am growing in the Kingdom of God because I’m getting quieter and wiser I guess. I want to really do this but at the same time keep my sense of humor, friendliness, and ability to have fun. A new concept is there before me and I can feel the blessings of the Lord in developing it. I love him and this Mission with all my heart. Amen.
January 14, 1976
Another party today. Elder Hubrisch’s farewell party. This has got to be the partyingest district I have ever seen. It was a fun party. The Sisters made the lasagna – it was really great. During the party we went out and made a tape. It was pretty good. I copied some things off but other than that and a little work we did in the morning the day was shot – as usual.
Top Rogers, Picket, Grey, Hubrich, Thornock, Jones
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| The Lankwitz Corporation L to R: Rogers, Gray, Picket, Thornock, Jones Cram |
January 15, 1976
Today I was Austausched with Elder Grey. Elder Grey is a good Elder but he really does things different. We had a good time. It was a hard old day for Elder Hubrich. He missed his train in the morning because we read the schedule wrong. He had to wait until 5 and then the train was too full. We called the President and he said – “Get him on it” so we just shoved him on the last car. I think he made it okay. He sure was discouraged. I really felt bad for him. I guess my day is also coming.
We ate today with Sister Melzer. She is so good to us. She really puts out for the Missionaries. The rest of the day Elder Grey and I did referrals. We also had one discussion. It was pretty good. He’s a great Elder but one word describes him good. And that is LOUD.
January 16, 1976
Another preparation day come and gone. We went to Tiergarten this morning for a little Basketball. I got some good letter writing done instead of playing. I wrote a special one to Michelle. This afternoon we went looking for suits. I am going to buy one next week, possibly on sale. It was a bad day today. I’ve been a little under the weather.
January 17, 1976
We spent the whole day messing around with Elders Thornock and the new one, Cram. We have to prepare something for the ward for next Saturday so we shot the day doing that. I am going crazy. I can’t get up on time, I can’t do anything right personally and then we do this kind of junk. I really am going crazy! I am starting to get negative.
January 18, 1976
Today was Sunday. I am kind of down. I am not really when I think of my opportunities and everything – “The World’s Greatest Salesman” attitude – but there are a lot of things bugging me. It started out this morning when I was late getting up again. Then more stupid practicing for our things for the ward party. Also something really got me. Today I was going to stay in the Evangalisms Klasse with Sister Kuhnay. As I was sitting there after the class started Elder Pickett came in and gave me a note. It said he wanted me in the other class – NOW! Apparently Elder Jones was in there with “Barbara” alone. I didn’t know that though, there are usually all five other Missionaries there. Anyway he chewed me out good. I tell you I was real humble and took it real good but my feelings were sure hurt. If I would have had any ounce of rebellion in me I would have probably said something. Brother Prickett did his job and he was right – but he sure lacks tact. Then after hearing the brethren yelling at each other in Priesthood, delaying Sister Kuhanau, and another long session of music tonight I’m a little bit down.
Na, ja, Brother Pickett just called. He wants me to give a talk in the Baptism this Friday. I guess that will be the best thing for me. I’ll pour my soul out to the Lord to help me with my problems and work my guts out for this talk. I know I can do it and I thank the Lord for the help he will give me. Take Courage, Gann.
January 19, 1976
I had a bad day yesterday but today I just buckled down and turned positive. We had a real good day too.
We had a very special experience today. We were working there in our tracting gegen looking up referrals in the afternoon and suddenly a thought just came to me. A thought to go visit Sister Knaetsch’s family home evening group that she has for the older ladies in the ward. So we decided to go but we didn’t really know why.
When we got there the whole place was up in a stir. Apparently Sister Demski has written a very bad letter for Sister Thesma. She had come to Sister Knaetsch to get her support but of course she couldn’t give her support in something like that. Sister Demski flew apart, started screaming, and really made a scene. Sister Knaetsch was really upset. She tried to quiet her down but she couldn’t and Sister Demski left. Poor Sister Knaetsch. Soon the others arrived at the F.E.
Well this is how it was when we arrived. We talked about an hour and got things straightened out. I mean by that, that she was able to talk to us and felt better after feeling our Spirit and mainly the Lord’s blessing to her through us. I know that the Lord inspired us to go there. We had a very very special evening. I don’t recall when I have had a nicer evening. We had Sister Nollendorf and Sister Grey there – both non members and we were able to tell them a lot about the Church. They were really touched. We read out of the Miracle of Forgiveness and had a fine discussion. Later she fed us a fine Abendbrot. She is so fantastic. She told how she had 500 Marks taken from her over the Holidays and just won’t say nothing. I can’t believe her. She and I have a special something between us. She is so neat. Tonight was a very special experience for us. I know that the Lord speaks to us because that thought came into my head just out of the blue. We were inspired to go there tonight. We were needed and the Lord called. A very special experience.
January 20, 1976
Well it was another appointment with the JW’s. This one went a lot better than the last one. We didn’t try to fight this time. It was still a big hassle. I hate those kinds of deals. I got a little uptight myself. I couldn’t control myself. I didn’t yell but inside I sure felt bad for those stupid guys. We tried to bear strong testimony and everything. We played “Profile of a Prophet” by Elder Hugh G. Brown. That guy really tried to pick it apart. He did a good – they are really smart – but they are being misled and I feel sorrow for them. It was a great learning experience for me. A good experience.
After that we went with Elder Thornock and Elder Cram to another discussion. It was with these younger girls we have been teaching. We taught a discussion to her mother. Her mother is nice but wow Barbara and Sabina are dynamite. They are 16-17 and really good looking. They have really loose standards though and like today neither had on bras but Barbara was wearing a thin white T-shirt. It is really bad. I hope those Elders can teach in a situation like that. I’d give them to the sisters if it was me – but na, ja. It was a good day.
January 21, 1976
Sister Knaetsch’s Birthday!
We left early for another practice. We are singing a melody of songs Saturday night for the ward Party. It’s coming along real good. We are sounding good, I just have mixed feelings about the whole thing because of the time we are taking and everything Also we slip back into that pre-Mission self and attitude. We went to Mutti Zeidel’s today after that. She is really crazy. Today I found Ed Barnes’ picture in her book. That is really weird isn’t it? We went to Sister Kuhnau’s tonight too. She is so neat. I really love all these special people that I am getting to know.
Today we ate with the Sisters at Sister Knaetach’s. Sister Young got transferred as a Senior to Kiel. That will be great. But now it’s really hard for her to go. Sister Knaetsch really loves all of us. She calls the Elders her jungs – her boys. She is so special. It was a sad day for Sister Young. She, like me, has been here a long time and now to suddenly go – it’s tough. We had a good long music practice today.
January 23, 1976
Today was a real special day in my life. We had a baptism this evening. Sabina was baptized by Elder Thornock. It was really neat. I also had a special experience and felt the Spirit. I spent the whole day writing my talk. We went early to Tiergarten and I spent the whole day there writing it instead of playing Basketball. It’s a good thing I did to. I needed every spare minute on that thing. This afternoon Elder Jones slept while I finished it up. I wrote it completely out. Maybe that’s the key for me for this German situation.
Anyway when I got up to give it I really felt good. I prayed real hard that the Lord would bless me and he did. Last night I gave the best talk I have ever given in German. There was only a couple of minor errors and my message was good and everything flowed smoothly. It was an excellent Talk. I really felt good about it. The Lord really blesses us when we do all we can and then pray for his help. It was a growing and confidence building experience for me. My faith and strength are growing daily. It was also a very special night for Sabina’s parents. They were both there and they really felt the Spirit. I think that someday they will also come into the fold. I hope so.
January 24, 1976
Today is Marcia’s birthday. I can’t believe she is 16 already. I remember when I was first learning to drive. That seems like yesterday. We looked up a lot of referrals today – before we went to the Party.
The Party: Tonight was the Ward party of the year. We sang our thing and the crowd went wild. It was so neat. They loved us. We were in Levis and everything and for the first time they saw the other side of our lives. It was really a special evening. After this was all kinds of entertainment and food. It was really great. I felt good. We really helped them tonight. I really feel the Spirit of the gospel in the sense of brotherly love and companionship. It will do this Gemeinde a lot of good.
January 25, 1976
Today was a special day. I don’t know what happened much because I am in a daze. Today I called Elder McCowin and he let me in on the news. The news is that I will be leaving Berlin. I will be transferred to Wilhelmshaven and even more important – as Senior! Wow I can’t believe that. The President really dropped one on me this time. I am so mixed up in my feelings it’s really hard to express myself. I am real happy. Tremendously happy. This is what I wanted, not in the sense that I have been aspiring to go Senior but that I really feel I can do a good job and reach the people. Also I guess I have been a little itchy to get out on the work and really DO IT. I feel the Lord really has an important work for me to do and that that is why I am being called. I hope and pray that I can do his will and be the man that he would have me be. This is going to be a big change for me and probably a little tough at first but I know it is right. I’m real excited about it. After 9 months, even I’m leaving Berlin
January 26, 27, 28, 1976
I am going to write these three days together because I haven’t written all week anyway and we had a real tough week as it was. Monday we ate breakfast with Sister Kuhnau and then bought me a couple of suits. It was a real good day. That evening we went to Sister Knaetsch for Family Home Evening. It was really a wonderful evening. Sister Knaetsch is so fantastic. She is so cool. We had coffee and kuchen and then had a Theme on Forgiveness. She also showed us some of her slides. She is a real mountain climber. She goes every summer up in the Mountains of Scandinavia. She is so nice I can’t believe it. She was here the night we got packed and she took a whole bunch of my stuff to mail. I really love her. I want to go back to see her again. Tuesday we got up and played Basketball. The last big time for the Lankwitz Corp. We ate at Sister Kunzel’s for lunch. Her and Sister Grey (her Sister) and Sister Kuger were there. They are all nice ladies. That night it was on to Sister Kuhnau’s. It was so hard to leave a place like Berlin where the people are so great. We had a wonderful evening. She had washed our clothes and everything and it was just really great. It was so hard to leave Berlin. All these wonderful people. It was really hard to leave Sister Kuhnau and Ewe. Elder Jones really had a hard time. It’s the first time I ever saw him get emotional. It was really tough. I want to go back to Berlin and see all these lovely people.
I can’t believe I am going. We went bowling last night. It was the last time the old District got together. This is such a hard step for me to leave. Many a fond memory will be left behind. I hope that I have kept a good enough record here so that I can recall all these things. I am a one-city junior. That is okay. I love Berlin and I feel real bad about leaving but I know that is the right things. I am glad to be moving on but sad too. It’s really tough but I will make it. It seems these steps just come and go. I remember when I was a golden. Now I am a Senior. Wow that seems like a lot of differences. My life is changing