The Berlin Wall
Merkish Vertile-------------This is what I called tracting!Aug 15, 1975
I just want to say a few words about my new Companion Elder McCowin. He is a great Elder - we get along so well I can't believe it. Right now I feel like the Senior because I am always on and he's just learning but I hope I don't let it go to my head. I won't. But we really feel a great love and need for each other already. He is a brand new Senior and really has a lot to learn - and I know how much I have to learn. I really learn a lot in language from him and he learns about the gegends and some of my proselyting techniques that I have learned; Mainly from Elder Blackham. We really get along good. I feel that I am really putting in more than my half of the companionship for a while - but will be able to do my half. At the same time he always corrects my language and keeps me humble and if I keep my good attitude about it I will really be able to learn a lot. I think the Lord has sent E. McCorwin to me so that in this time I can learn - just learn. With him I feel I can learn better and faster than anyone I could know. I think its a great blessing. Planned!!
Aug 16, 1975
I have been doing a lot of thinking this last month. I have been evaluating myself and just plain thinking on the kind of Elder I am and what my possibilities are and what I want to make of myself. I think of Elder Southam in the LTM and the great experiences that he told to me. His ideas of faith are so good and so true. Keeping the vision and believing in something so long, and it will happen. Seeing the vision, wanting it, and having faith until it happens.
“Can you see yourself as that Missionary you want to be - the vision of your goals. Keep his picture and vision in your heart. Eternalize him as you become him.”
ELDER JEFF ROGERS GERMANY HAMBURG
These are my goals, my joys, and my life - I love it.
Aug 19, 1975
Aug 20, 1975
Well August 21, 1975 that's Mitzie's 19th Birthday. I want to say just a spot here about her. I guess it's been 5 years this September, since our first date and 2 solid years since we've been going together. My thoughts on having a girlfriend are quite mixed at this point. She sure does have a lot of beautiful qualities and all the things she does for me are pretty neat. She really loves me a lot, that's really important and also hard for her as she sits home. Sometimes I feel its a distraction but usually I really feel blessed to have her waiting for me. It makes things a lot easier and a lot harder sometimes. It gives my life meaning, when I think of all the eternal possibilities. She sent me a card for her Birthday. I thought that was pretty neat. I know she is going to make some lucky guy pretty happy. My only problem with all of this is - that I want to serve the Lord with all my heart and I feel that sometimes I think about her too much. But I look at the good Missionaries like Elder Elwood and these others that have had girlfriends waiting and I know that it can be a real blessing. He is home now and it won't be too long before he will be married. It's pretty cool. For Mitzie and I this will be a good test. We have been through a lot of good times and experiences together. I really do love her. I am looking forward to being with her after my mission.
The only thing is what if I get a Dear John? Well, I guess I would take it in stride, I really feel I could. I just hope it doesn't happen. It was a big full moon tonight.
Aug 22, 1975
The girls (Mopsie, Rosita and Tina) came over this afternoon and cleaned our apartment from top to bottom. Wow can they really clean. I think I'll send my wife to be over here for a month or two to learn how the Germans can clean. They really do a job.
We had a good District meeting tonight. First James was there and he talked a little about the F.A. That we have. It brought on this idea of having a good image. As missionaries we have to keep a good image and its so important that we act like it always. Elder Manwaring is really concerned about this. He is a great Elder and is lead by the Spirit.
Aug 25, 1975
This morning we had an Austellung again. It was really pretty good. I got four good contacts. We were also austausched today. I worked with Elder Manwaring. We had 3 appointments fall out but it was still a good day. Elder Manwaring is a great Elder. I want to write a character sketch on him one of these days. I really enjoy working with him - he's a good man.
We also visited a man named Gow this evening. He is an Englisher. (Scotland actually.) He was so polite I really couldn't believe, but as it turns out I think that was just a front. I don't know if he has interest or not.
I don't know but it's been one of those days. I feel like something good is coming through because it hasn't been real good these last few days. As Elder Southam has said. When times are a little rough that just means something good is right around the corner. Things are bad at all for us, but I just want them to be better.
We had a good day today. A hard, long day. We didn't come home for lunch. Instead we bought some stuff at a little store. It was a little less time but I didn't like it. We might be doing it a lot more to show the Lord we want his blessings. I really don't care either way. It might be good for us. A little expensive.
Aug 31, 1975
Anyway we had a good day. I have a lot of feelings that I would like to write but I really don't have time. I'm going to have to really start doing better on this diary. I just felt close to the Lord today. In our District meeting we talked about contention. I guess a lot of the problem was me. As Elder McCowin came in I felt like I had to take everything over I guess. Well that was the problem. I kind of let it get to my head. I've been doing a lot of thinking, and wondering and praying and I believe that it's my fault we are down. Well I've been trying to do better in this area this last 4 or 5 days and things are going a lot better. I think that if the Junior follows the Senior no matter if he thinks he can do better or not - then blessings will come. This was a hard lesson for me to learn but last night by our discussion with Herr Reinsch it became clear to me. I thought Elder McCowin was really giving a rotten answer to this question. I tried to interrupt and put my point of view in. Well as it turned out it was the best thing he could have said. My idea was way off. I learned a lot. Yes, sir, I have learned my lesson and I am going to be the faithful, following, humble, Junior I should be.
Sept 1, 1975
Sept 2, 1975
Today we had that appointment with Frau Konrad at 18:30. Well we didn't get back from Sevester Tödman's in Kladow until way late. It was 7 almost when we finally got there and we had another Termin at 7:00. So we told we'd come back in an hour. We went to Herr Lehmen for the F.A. It went okay, but they sure worried about making another appointment. Komish. Anyway we made it back to Sevester Konrads at 8:00. She is so nice. She had coffee and kuchen for us, the works. We talked about Joseph Smith and all and even though it's hard for her to grasp, and she is very active in her kirche, I think she can feel its truth. I think the Spirit touched her, and that's why after 2 weeks she invited us back. And she can really feel something. Singing is her life and we have to wait 3 weeks before we can go back, but I can't wait. I'd really love to see her singing for us.
Sept 3, 1975
Nachdem, we went down to our new Gegen. Yesterday I started - I was on anyway - a new Gegen down below Herrstraβe and above Gatow. It is really beautiful, really. It overlooks the Havel therre and it is very nice and green and rich. Only rich people can live in there. I would like to bring some good influential, rich, people in. We'll see what comes out of it.
Tonight we also visited this family that talked to us at the Ausstellung. Ratzek Familie. They were so weird. We were there talking with the man for a while and then the older daughter came. She's loose I think. Anyway at the end we said a prayer, and they all busted out laughing. I couldn't believe it, I really feel sorrow for them. The mother says she is a member but she doesn't know anything about the church. We'll have to see what happens.
Anyway I like to think I am a very self motivated person. I think of my accomplishments and I know how hard I have pushed myself a lot of times. I think of my position now. I work hard but my discussions are still slow, my grammar. I just need to push harder. When I see the other Elders I know I do better than most - but I see Elder Manwaring and I know I could do better. But we should never compare, I am not. I just know myself and realize that I could do better. Self-motivation, guts and desire, I am working to develop more.
We had two appointments fall out today. It seems like we just don't have our stuff together. We didn't call one of the guys, but if we would have we would have known not to go there. And saved time. It was written in my book and everything, but we didn't do it. It's things like that they bother me sometimes. I really like to be organized and I just feel we are not there yet. Na, ya.
Wow we had a lady come to the door tonight in see-through underwear. It's really doof all the low standards the German people. With all the pornography and all around I guess they think it doesn't matter but they should realize it better. Modesty is a thing of the past here. All the street workers - no shirts - the ladies work in swim suits in the yards. Even the older ones. It's really bad in the summer. That's all pretty well over now but you have to really have to close our eyes sometimes just walking down the street.
I am glad I am a member of the Church and that we believe on high standards. I wouldn't want to live like most of these people do.
We tracted, CB'd and GQ'd all day. What a long day. No discussions, nothing. I guess we are due for one of these kinds of days here and there. It sure was long. I really don't know if I could handle too many more like this - I'm dead.
There is something the Priesthood told us about Prayer that really has hit me lately. He said, 'why even pray?' The Lord knows our thoughts, desires, delights, etc. The secret is when we pray we communicate with him, but more important we send out the desire of our heart and lay them before the Lord. I really feel close to the Lord and feel the Spirit there with me when I express the desires of my heart, which are righteous desires, to the Lord. I really want to do his will and my desire is there. We develop faith through prayer and feeling this closeness of the Spirit as we express and show our desires to the Lord. My faith, and trust in the Lord are really growing. I love my Mission, and I love the things that manifest to us strongly the truthfulness of the Gospel. I hope I can always delight in the Lord and the righteous thing of the world like I can now.
Sept 8, 1975
I think of the importance of this idea and I know its the answer to all things. If you can come to like ourselves, and use the gospel of Jesus Christ to be our guide, then through it, through ourselves we can solve all the problems that will ever arise. It's so easy.
Two concepts
2. Have faith in the Lord Jesus Christ and his gospel of truth, light, and knowledge.
The Man in the Glass
When you get what you want in your struggle for self,
And the world makes you king for a day.
Just go to the mirror and look at yourself
And see what the man has to say.
For it isn't for Father or Mother or Wife
Whose judgment upon you must pass
The Fellow whose verdict counts most in your life,
Is the one staring back from the glass.
You may be like Jack Horner and chisel a plum
And think you're a wonderful guy,
But the man in the glass says you're only a bum
If you can't look him straight in the eye
He's the fellow to please, never mind all the rest
For he's with you clear to the end.
And you've past your most dangerous, difficult test
If the man in the glass is your friend.
You may fool the whole world down the pathway of yours.
And get pats on the back as you pass,
But your final reward will be heartaches and tears
...If you've cheated the man in the glass
Sept 9, 1975
Today is the 4 year anniversary of the night I broke my collarbone, broken, kaput, etc. That doesn't have anything to do with my day or the work. I just remembered it.
Well, I think I have really learned something! These last few days I have really looked hard on this idea of self worth, true to myself, etc, well I've found myself. Also I realize that I am like an embryo just coming out. It's kind of like a rebuilt. These past few days I have been sorting out all my actions, and especially my motives, kicking out the things I don't like. It's so neat. There is so much strength to be found in High Ideals and self worth, etc. I just can get over the impact this concept is having on my life. I just hope and pray that I can always feel this close to the Spirit and know and follow my conscience along the path of righteousness. Sin is real. We get dull after Sin and it's hard to come back every time we make one. I know now I have some repenting to do but I also know and can feel the cleansing power this can bring. What another wonderful concept! The Gospel is so full of them. I see why it's called the “GOOD NEWS”.
I am growing. Reaching up to the things I know are true. There is such a strength in being worthy, diligent, Missionary of the Lord.
Sept 10, 1975
Today it became clear to me what the “D” discussion says that we are here on the earth “TO DEVELOP FAITH”. I have seen just an uncommon rash of people lately that can just accept the fact that there is a good. It's funny about investigators: We get so many types, from those in the EV church that believe a lot of the things we do and just can't accept the difference, to the stark Catholic (who hasn't visited his church for 40 years), to those who say that all ways lead back to God, and finally to these people that just can't believe in a God. I really just can't believe they can't but it's true. For most of them the War and the experiences they've seen have just completely dulled their Spiritual Soul and they can't accept God. They say why has God showed himself to only one! Well it's hard to answer and hard to work with these people but I know that it can happen through the Spirit. I learned today with the Williams Family that sometimes even with the Spirit there they will still reject it. I will try to get more Spirit.
Sept 11, 1975
To make them WANT TO KNOW - enough to ask sincerely. We had a good appointment with Frau Tödman today. We challenged her to fast and tried to get her to let us fast with her but she wanted to try it alone first. We hope she really will. I know she will get the answer.
I had one other great thought and this is one that I am going to have to ponder, pray and think about. But that is over Richard. I saw the vision open up of how the church can also mean something in his life. My letters, actions, life are going to have to show him the importance. But I know it can be done. What a great blessing.
Like I said I felt a little uneasy about this tape and stuff. Sometimes when Mitzie sends letters she doesn't even sign them or even start them. I know she feels strongly about me, and at times I feel strong, too. But there are a lot of times when I wonder. I just wonder about the obligations, or whats going to happen in 20 short months. I know in my soul that if I got a Dear John I would be upset some, but in a while I would be strong again. But I also know how wonderful she is and how great it could be, I am left there. That's okay too but when she sends me these things, things that I feel take my mind off my work then I can't get together. It just makes me uneasy and I don't like that.
Today I didn't get much done for the preparation end of it. I try to make my letters to my family so good, but I just can't put it all there. I spend at least an hour a 1 ½ on my letter home every week but still I wish I could talk to them for a couple of days to let them know all that I feel. I need to pray good tonight, I just feel uneasy about things.
NO TITLE “FROM THE JOURNAL OF E. MANWARING”
ARE YOU FEELING KIND OF LONELY
AND YOUR LIP IS HANGING DOWN?
ARE YOU SAYING “MY WORK IS USELESS”
AND “I NEVER LEFT THE GROUND.”?
INCONFIDENCE AND SMOTHERED FEAR,
A BRICK WALL FIVE FEET THICK,
AND WAGGING HEADS AND CLOSING DOORS
THAT MAKE THE SPIRIT SICK.
“I'M SCARED OF PRIDE' BUT PROUD I AM.
A STONE WITHIN MY BREAST
I'LL TELL THE PRES I'M GOING HOME,,
MY WORST MUST BE MY BEST.
BUT LITTLE VOICE, HE CRIES INSIDE,
HE PLEADS AND WEEPS, “CHANGE NOW?”
AND START ALONG THE UPWARD PATH
AND STUMBLE NOT ON “HOW?”
A STEP, A PAGE, A HUMBLE PRAYER,
A LITTLE GLOW OF LOVE
THAT HEALS THE CONTRITE BROKEN HEART,
SMALL STEPS TOWARDS ABOVE
IT'S HARD, I KNOW; I'VE BEEN THERE TOO,
THEY HURT AND SHAMED MY SOUL
WITH WORDS AND LOOKS AND ANGRY THOUGHTS;
BUT I PERCIEVE THE GOAL,
BY FAITH, NOT SIGHT, WE SEE THE LIGHT,
AS SURE AS SHINES THE SUN.
SO PULL YOUR DROOPING HEAD ON OUT,
YOU LAZY WHINING BUM,
IF YOU ARE DOWN IT'S ALL YOUR FAULT
YOU KNOW YOU MADE YOUR BED.
REPENT OF ALL YOUR LITTLE SINS
AND HOLD UP HIGH YOUR HEAD.
BE HUMBLE TOO, THOU CHILD OF GOD,
AND BE THE LOVE YOU PREACH
AND IF YOU DO, I PROMISE YOU,
THE GREAT ONES SHALT THOU TEACH.
OBEDIENCE, THE BYWORD HERE,
WILL BRING YOU PLACES HIGH.
ENDURE - “THY WILL, NOT MINE BE DONE.”
WITH TRUST AND SINGLE EYE.
AS FATHER IS WE MAY BECOME -
A TRUTH THAT MOVES THE HEART.
A JOURNEY IS BUT LITTLE STEPS.
WHERE DOES THE FIRST ONE START?
ELDER RICHARD MANWARING
I copied this from my district leader Elder Manwaring. It was a poem his brother wrote on his mission.
It's dated FEB 19, 1973
FROM THE JOURNAL OF ELDER MANWARING
A JOURNEY IS BUT LITTLE STEPS
WHERE DOES THE FIRST ONE START?
THE ANSWER I WISH TO GIVE YOU NOW,
...A BLESSING TO IMPART,
PRECEPT UPON PRECEPT, LINE UPON LINE.
CHOICE WORDS FROM A PROPHET OF OLD
YOU MUST START WITH THE SMALLEST THINGS
TO KNOW WHERE THE NEXT FOOT SHOULD GO
A RULE IS A RULE, A LAW IS A LAW,
IF YE LIFE THESE YOUR MIND IS AT REST
THEN YOU CAN TAKE ANOTHER STEP
AND CLIMB HIGHER TOWARDS YOUR BEST.
THINK OF THE INFANT AT FATHERS FEET,
THE ONE WHICH CAN ONLY CRAWL.
HE'S STILL SO YOUNG IF HE TRIED TO WALK
IT COULD ONLY RESULT IN A FALL.
THIS IS SO TRUE THROUGH OUT ALL IN LIFE.
IN THIS YOU CAN BE ASSURED
IF YOU THINK YOU CAN PASS THE BASICS BY,
FROM THE PATHWAY YOU HAVE BEEN LURED
EACH PRECEPT YOU KEEP, EACH LINE THAT YOU LIVE
WILL SERVE AS ANOTHER STEP
AND MAKE THOSE BIG GOALS EASY
BECAUSE OF THE SMALL LAWS YOU'VE KEPT
SO PLEASE TAKE HOLD OF THE IRON ROD.
IT'S FIRM AND STRONG AND TRUE
AND RUNS ALONG THE RIGHTEOUS PATH
A HELPMATE FOR ME AND YOU.
THE JOURNEY I SPEAK OF MIGHT BE LONG AND HARD
AND CONTINUALLY FULL OF STRIFE
THE JOURNEY I SPEAK OF IS A JOURNEY OF YEARS
THE JOURNEY I SPEAK OF IS LIFE.
REMEMBER THE INFANTS DEPENDENT STATE?
YOU MUST BE EVEN AS HE
FIRST YOU MUST CRAWL, THEN WALK, THEN RUN
AND A WINNER YE SHALL BE.
TAKE HOLD OF THE ROD, IT'S THE HAND OF GOD
HE'LL LEAD YOU AND SHOW YOU THE WAY
HE'LL TEACH YOU THE THINGS THAT YOU MUST DO
TO STAY IN THE RIGHTEOUS WAY.
THE WAY IS MARKED, IT'S AN UPWARD PATH
AND HAS LIFTED MANY HEARTS
YES...A JOURNEY IS BUT LITTLE STEPS
“NOW” IS WHERE THE FIRST ONE STARTS.
ELDER PAUL A. MANWARING
DATED JUNE 30, 1975
Sept 13, 1975
We talked with Sister Rubestein tonight. She is quite close minded now about Polygamy. I hope we can reach her but it's going to be real tough. I know she has felt the Spirit a lot and believes in most of the things but if she can accept it - that's the question.
We also got Herr Lämmerhirt to pray tonight. After all these years we have finally got to him. He was reached tonight. We gave him a baptismal challenge, he said he would but won't go (because of his sickness.). It could be good, and he made a lot of progress tonight, but he has a real long road ahead of him.
Last night I was really upset about something, not upset just a little uneasy. Today after a long hard day I feel pretty good. It just comes with work.
Today I was really feeling how far behind I was in the discussions. Man, I can't figure out why I am so lousy. I guess because I don't keep plugging at it, I do a lot for two days and forget it for a week, but I decided how I could do better. I will just have to put my mind to it and DO IT!!
GET ON IT - “IF YOU KNOW THE DISCUSSIONS YOU'LL BAPTISE PEOPLE.”
I needed today to really get down and review my goals I made on the 21 of July. I reevaluated and realized that I had a pretty rotten week with the Study. So I am resolved to overcome the weaknesses of the Flesh. I will win.
Well anyway I was reading in this Ensign and I came across something that really hit me great or funny. I remember when I was in the LTM and that night I knelt down and prayed for the truth. I remember how at first as I prayed for the answer nothing came, so after a while I switched to one of my favorite concepts - The nothingness of man - . Well it was as I was thus worshiping God and praying with those feelings that I received that wonderful manifestations of the Spirit. In this article it says that's what happens, if we contemplate the nothingness of man and worship God. I have felt that! I know that he is right, because I've done it! And it feels good. To commune with God and feel the Spirit and all are the greatest feelings I have felt. This latest BLICK on Nephi and the appearance of Christ. It is so real and so beautiful to me. I just can digest it all but I know I am finding myself through my Savior, Jesus Christ. Amen.
Sept 16, 1975
We had a good discussion with the British Herr Gow and two of his English buddies. It was okay but the Spirit wasn't really there.
I have learned so many things in 2 short (almost 3) months. It really is amazing. I realize more and more how important working with the Spirit is. I was there bei the Rothaus this morning and I was talking with person after person who couldn't believe in God. I just can't see why but they can't believe. Well I realize more and more everyday that I can't give them my testimony that it can come only through the Spirit. Well I was thinking that, and said a little prayer while I was standing there. About the next person later I talked with a lady and she told me she could just about believe it just by talking to me. The Spirit was there. Nothing will happen with her (maybe a church visit) but I knew that the showed me that we have to seek after the Spirit. Well I have a lot to learn in this area.
Today I got my triple combination from my Mother. It's not a neat as my other one but I am sure glad to have it.
Sept 17, 1975
We had a great day today. We made about 4 appointments. It was okay. We ate at Schwester Prinzs. She had potato pancakes. They were real good but I couldn't eat too many. I think that is the first time in all my eating appointments that I haven't had potatoes or something. Rice a couple of times but usually - potatoes. That's okay, I like 'em. We have a will have had 5 eating appointments this week. That's pretty good. Na und.
Sept 18, 1975
Sept 19, 1975
That will be pretty tough. Fin one month will be the big one but I am going to be true to myself and do it.
I have been in a little of a depressed mood these last couple of days. And here again I recognize that Satan is working on me. Brother Krucuse told us something in Priesthood the other week that was pretty good. He said that the guy that gets up, shaves while whistling, sings in the shower, etc, etc; and just sets out to have a good day will have a good day. It doesn't matter what will come up just that he is having and will have a good day. What an important idea . My dad is this way. “I've seen it worse.” says he and then whistles on to the next problem. It's really pretty neat and I don't think I've ever seen him mad. I am usually pretty happy and I want to work on this idea and become a successful, HAPPY, Elder. Great.
Today we taught Schwester Tödtman again. She was to suppose to have fasted and we had fasted all day for her but she didn't come through. Anyway the Spirit was us and even though we had kind of a bad subject matter we had a good discussion.
She is going to FAST Tuesday and we will probably fast with her again and help her come into the light of the gospel.
Sept 20, 1975
We had a family home evening for the District. It was pretty good but we wasted a lot of time on it.
After we contacted Scholz we did a few Golden Cards. I can't believe this one guy. It was deep in Transcendental Meditation. I couldn't believe it. He wouldn't even talk to us. I can't believe all the pit falls that there are in this world. It is so clear to me because I have the truth but these poor people just can't see it. I am so thankful that I am in the church and have the truth and know my purpose in life. I want to talk about this man we talked to this morning. He was so great. He is a fluchtling from East Berlin. I think is so neat. He is a great big guy and has such a special spirit about him. You can really tell he is from the tribe of Ephraim. I am really excited about him. Pure Golden. I will really have to ask the Lord for help to help us do his work. I want to be a tool in his hands and especially to bring in Herr Sauer.
I want to write a few proselyting thoughts here that I have learned in the past few months.
2. Tracting is only to get CB's for the evenings. The day tracting is for that purpose so unless you have enough evening time to cover them then the day is wasted. Tract in the day to get CB's for evening.
3. When you are talking to someone either a street contact or other situation (non-discussion and then only discretely) never compare our church to the others. Only talk about the good and the truth to be found in ours. Don't even mention another church when at all possible.
4. Our District meetings have been real good lately. Some good ideas are: Discussions and Scriptures together, F.A. Workshops, F.A's, Amfroge or other workshops, short spiritual thought meetings, etc, etc.
5. Work with families (ZONE CONFERENCE SEPT 75) and also LITFADENS TO PASTORS. New ides to reach families - especially father. BUSINESS CONTACTING
6. I'll probably have another page or two through this book with these kinds of ideas but here is the most important one. FAITH - and confidence that you will succeed. Your desire turns hope into faith and then touches people and you work deeds for the Lord.
We had two pretty good Discussions today. First this morning we had a young man by the name of Serif Ögretmen, a Turk, come to Sunday School. We gave him a little of a C but he doesn't understand to much about Christianity. Tomorrow we have an appointment and we are going to talk about Jesus. He is real great, I can't wait to get to talk to him.
We also visited Thomas Meyrich tonight. He is really searching for some answers also. His biggest problem is that now there is us, Yogi, meditation, other churches, etc, etc, all after him. He is really mixed up as to which way to go. I hope we can teach him that there is only one way before he gets lost in all the confusion.
We were supposed to have Schweter Tödtmann and Herr Sauer in church today but we didn't. I hope everything is OK with both.
Sept 22, 1975
We had a good day today. We should have tonight 6 discussions today. 3 fell out and one we couldn't teach but I wish we could of. 2 out of 6 - not too good.
First we met Oma Gorges on the door and just went in and taught her a discussion right on the spot.
After we ate at Schwester Börnes we went by Otto Zimmerman. He's a young kid but burned out. We gave him a discussion but he is going to have some work done on his liver. 6 ½ weeks. We were going to give a discussion to Seref Ögretmen a Turk but he wasn't there, along with Ratzek, and Köhler, Na, ya.
We did have something really weird happen. We met this man last week who told us to come by today for coffee and kuchen. Well it turned out to be his birthday party. He is really a cool guy. I thought he was 23-5 but he is 31. He sings for some big places in Berlin and also goes on tour. I think his name is Michael Thulle but I'm not sure. Anyway we were there with all these people and he had all this stuff. It was pretty cool, but not for teaching discussions. - so we left.
The more I think about him the more I wonder. He had all these pictures of himself and friends on the walls there. But I wonder what kind of a guy he really is. His life seems pretty glamorous and all but a close look tells me its not. I can't see a happy man inviting people off the street, us, to his party unless he is a little lonely. Anyway he had booze, and kuchen, a good house, etc, and I guess he was going to throw a big party. I wonder what makes people really happy. He tells us his place is paradise and he has found the way and all but I don't think so. I'd like to talk to him for a couple of hours just one-on-one and make him feel the way I do about happiness and life.
I had had some feelings but they are not really clear. I had good feelings tonight over a certain idea I have been working on. There have been a lot of times when I have thought that people were dumb or my companion was a real doof or etc but I realize now where these feelings come from. Every time I get negative feelings I am going to look at myself and ask the Lord to bless me to overcome them because they are only there because I entertain them. Sure, everyone is going to make mistakes, but I am not the one to judge. So from here on out in my life I am going to set a goal:
“I will never find fault in anyone again in my life”
“LOVE ALL MEN”
This is a goal that is going to be exceedingly hard to achieve. Its a good goal, and one that is going to have to be reached in stages. I have already had a little experience with it already and I know that when I have negative feelings about someone I need only to look to myself for the answer. Every one of us our children of God and are entitled to the full blessings as such. We all have good qualities. If I can be perfect in this goal, it's going to take years of work and lots of effort, I will have developed a character trait of great value. It's worth working for, I have therefore set it. The important thing here is that I should never even in my mind find fault, let alone say anything.
I have had a little experience in this as I have been thinking about this goal and I know that as I get negative feelings with the help of the Lord I can push them out. As this happens, a glow and a love comes over me that I can't describe, but I know it works what a wonderful feeling.
Sept 23, 1975
We ate at Sister Prinz's for Mittg. Her man comes home tomorrow so we wont be able to eat there anymore but it sure was good today. She had Goulash. I wish her man was not so negative but I guess that's the way it is with some people. I'm learning that seemlich gut.
We visited Schwester Tödtman again today. She was supposed to have fasted for us but she hadn't done the complete day. I wonder sometimes. She is such a good lady but she thinks she is so busy that she can't do anything with the church. SHE DOESN'T WANT TO YET. That's all. I believe that she knows it's time. I felt the Spirit so strong today. We gave her a G discussion, challenged her and the whole bit. She said she would get baptized when she knew it was true. One problem I think is her man. Herr Tödtman is 82 and a little verruckt. He believes in the church but the teachings of it are sometimes tough for him. He is real smart but really bull headed about his ideas. She doesn't want to become like him I think. Anyway we all three prayed at the end and the Spirit was there. She just didn't want to accept it. There is a lot of hope for her but maybe now it is not the right time.
We also had a discussion bei a Herr Reinsch. They are a good family and we have had several discussions with them. The problem is, he doesn't and won't try to believe in God, period. We try but he just can't see it. Oh, well, next week will try again. Unbelieving people. I can't see it.
Oh, well. We walked ten miles today, I'm dead. James came up tonight (James Field) and we talked for a while. So I don't have much time to write.
We are on a spiritual fast this week. We didn't open any mail or tried not to talk about anything other than the work all week. I think it helped in some areas but as far as the mail goes I don't think it did. I worried about it more and had my 3 letters there waiting for me so after planning out I opened them. I don't think that is such a good idea. It sort of blew my mind all week.
In the Blab this week it talks about the Elders in the State a little. They sure have a different situation than us. I look at Bruce Garner. He must really be doing great. He was a District Leader for a while and now at 7 months he is a Zone Leader. That's great, but I just imagine it. Here we turn Senior at about 7 months. The language and all is a big challenge here. I enjoy the accomplishments of my fellow Missionaries but I am ever thankful that I am here. The challenge of my Mission is so cool. Elder Reichman and I are just sitting here talking about the discussions and all. He just finished F and I will finish E this week. That puts us 3 months out today (in Germany - 5 all together). I just hope that I can continue to work the challenge and get as much out of my Mission as the boys at home. I know I will have a language but they have a lot of time for scripture study, etc, etc. I am really not comparing myself with them, I just want to make sure I study and keep working and try to achieve the things out of my Mission that I want. It's a great challenge, and I love it.
Here are a couple of goals I want to set. First I am going to buckle down and these next 3 months study almost nothing but the discussions. I WANT THEM GOOD. My goal is Jan 1 and I have really got to push to get them how I want them. My second goal is to make my Mission extend. There is so much to be learned and all I want to keep going when I get home. I feel that I can really do it - and I am so grateful for the things I am learning. I love my Mission.
Elder Manwaring and I were together today. We had a good discussion with an unbelieving man tonight. He was not moved but I was with Elder Manwarings presentation. Note: He knows the discussions so good that he spends his time thinking and listening for the Spirit as he gives them. So spiritual.
Tonight we had a great talk. I told him all the things that he had done and how I appreciated him. But most of all I told him that by my observance of him have I been able to learn things about myself. And it's true, Elder Manwaring is very sensitive to his own feelings and motivations. He can sense when anything is wrong, or when bad feelings come, or when he starts going off himself. Well I am learning how to do that better. Before my Mission I really don't know what I was doing. I was sinning, I wasn't thinking, I was rotten - everyone thought I was good from the outside but inside I wasn't doing too good. Well, I am really making progress. On Sept 8 I think I had a revelation, well I know I did. For me at this time it is the most important way I have to keep myself on the right path. As I told Elder Manwaring, if we keep time to ourselves and combine that with the light of the gospel there is no way we can get off the right path. I think it is so important to realize this and follow it. Right now I feel so small, so hopeless, so sinful sometimes I just have to start here, and build and grow. Faith in the Lord Jesus Christ and knowing that through him we can overcome all things. I am learning to live better every day, but now I need time - time to work into the person I want to be. It's so beautiful to understand the gospel of Jesus Christ and know our possibilities.
I think it is a good little thought. So many times I see men get caught up in the hustle of Life and even good men get caught up in greed and positions, etc, etc, and lose their way. The Book of Mormon is full of this. MONEY, PRIDE, POSITIONS, HONORS, EARTHLY TREASURES, these are all part of the trap.
They are all so immaterial too. They don't amount to nothing in the overall picture.
Here's a few things I can do to prevent this:
1. Keep this motto in mind.
2. Make my family the center of my life. [NOT JOB, etc]
3. Study and ponder the scriptures to know God.
4. Stay in close contact to the Lord through Prayer.
Sept 27, 1975
Elder Manwaring and I worked together today. We had a real great day. We had a discussion with our Philippine friend, with our Turk, Seref, and also Beutels the people who just came from the East.
It was the first time that I had really worked with him in a discussion situation. One other time but this was really good. It was such a good learning experience for me. I realize a lot of things, but mainly how to teach with the Spirit. Too many times we just say the discussions and we don't really teach. It was a good day.
Today was the most beautiful day I have ever seen as far as the weather goes. It was breezy, cool, with a nice warm sun and clear blue sky. It was beautiful and for a good reason I think. Today I have been studying and preparing myself for the Zone Conference tomorrow. I have been reading about the atonement and about repentance and having the Spirit and there are some things I am going to tell the President tomorrow. I want to be clean so bad and there are still a couple of things way back in the past that I want to clear up and all. The Miracle of Forgiveness. This Mission is so important and I want to feel that Spirit that tells me I am clean from all sins. I want it, and I can have it with Faith in the Lord Jesus Christ. I am a contrite soul, but I am now converted. Tomorrow is going to be a hard day but one of the most important and beautiful days in my life. I am fasting and praying for the Lords help tonight. I need it.
Sept 29, 1975 ZONE CONFERENCE
Wow, what a day! Today was the Zone Conference that I have so looked forward to. I had a beautiful talk with the President today. Lately I have been so worried about my life and my own salvation. I really wanted to be clean and to have that Spirit that I know I have felt, to dwell with me all the time. The reason I say this is because in August I had a failure - one of a nature that needed talking over. Well I went in to the President today and he cleared my mind on the whole matter. I confessed a few of my things in the past and he said that I was clean. It was so enlightening what he said. He said the Lord will still use us even if we sin to carry faith his work, and that we must always be trying to overcome - that's the important thing. Well, I realized a lot of things, but after getting these things off my back - I feel like I am free from sin. I really do and I will pray about it in a few minutes and ask the Lord if I am but I know I will get a positive answer. It is such a beautiful experience! Oh, how I love the Lord for making it possible. I can feel the cleansing power of the atonement of Jesus Christ in my life. I think it comes through Faith also. This is the first day of the rest of my life and I feel so like a small child. Yesterday I hungered after righteousness and felt so uneasy. I was true to myself and told the President my problem and he knew it. He had had the same problem! I couldn't believe how he had and could understand me so well. Anyway, since I was true to myself and asked the Lord for help I received an answer to my prayer. Tonight I feel so strong and so righteous and so like (ED PINEGARS TALK he gave in LTM) that I just want to yell out the Gospel. I love Jesus, and his Gospel, and the opportunity it gives me to progress.
My Patriarchal blessing says I will marvel at the hand of the Lord in the last days. Today, because I was so in tune and because I had thought on this already a little I just sat and marveled at what the President said. He told us about the History of the Church, how after WWII President David O. McKay had started the first big push in Missionary work in 1951. Then they really got a lot of members in the next 15 years but they couldn't handle them properly. Now through the Guidance of the Lord in the past few years we have stressed the Family and the Family Home Evening program and also strengthened the auxiliaries into PRIESTHOOD functions. All the new Priesthood activities. These last few years have been spent doing that to properly handle and lead these many people we are getting. Well now that's set, so Spencer W. Kimball comes along with the Missionary Push. I can see the Hand of the Lord moving so prevalent in these times. I know Jesus leads this church and my Patriarchal Blessing was right. I am amazed, but I think this is just a start. I can't believe how perfect it fits together. President Kimball's push now with the Missionary program is what the Lord wants. President Kimball is going about with such energy and vigor - he knows how close we are to the end and he knows what we need to do. I can't believe how much my testimony has gained. I know that this is the right for us and that the Prophet is really being lead by the Lord. President Kimball has studied, really deep inspirational study, and he has given us the goal for 5 times more baptisms. President Schwendiman talked it and I can really see his point. He said - that always before he never had set goals for baptism, because we can set goals for all other things but when it comes to other people (they have their free will to be baptized) we really can't have much influence in that area. Well for that reason he said he had always been really against setting goals for baptism. Well, when this goal came out he was really upset. He had to know for himself. The Area representative came to his house and they talked til 1 or 2 one night. The President said it finally hit him. THIS TIME the time is right for such a goal to be made. The Prophet has given it to us and the President said that the Lord will be pouring out his Spirit to help us accomplish this goal. The President said it took a lot of praying and working it out before he came to this conclusion but he now knows that this time its right. We then talked about how we were going to reach this goal. (See Zone Conference Notes). It's the Family! President Schwendiman said that if every pair of Missionaries would get the same amount of Baptisms as we usually get - and then one more “family” we will reach our goal. Our whole program is going to be changing now. We are going to be working with members to try and help them get families into their homes. Our proselyting techniques are going to be family oriented, more anyway. We are just going to do it all to reach this and with the Lords help we will.
☼ The President then talked about desire, faith, and confidence. These things are so close to me because I have felt their influence in my life and I want to develop them more. He says if we can generate enough faith, and confidence, and trust in the Lord and go out knowing that we will succeed we will. I think about this a lot. I know it is true. Schwester Prinz is already an example for me. This idea of Positive Attitude and Faith is everything. I know it. I feel it, and I am going to be working to develop these traits into the man I am. The Lord is always blessing me.